


Babel

by hongmunmu



Category: One Piece
Genre: Character Study, Depression, Friends With Benefits, Frobin (Mentioned), M/M, Mental Health Issues, Strained Relationships, The Polar Tang, Trans Usopp, usopp has borderline personality disorder thank you goodnight, zolu and sanuso are the endgame but not the focus !!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-22
Updated: 2020-10-12
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:21:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 28,988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25434598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hongmunmu/pseuds/hongmunmu
Summary: Afraid to ruin their friendships with people they can’t risk losing, Zoro and Usopp try to take some comfort in a friendship that’s already ruined.
Relationships: Monkey D. Luffy/Roronoa Zoro, Roronoa Zoro & Usopp, Roronoa Zoro/Usopp, Usopp/Vinsmoke Sanji
Comments: 70
Kudos: 242





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> somehow i swung myself around to getting super back into zosopp, but since i see them both being quite firmly in love with other people (luffy and sanji), the situation i see them in is more of a friends with benefits/casual relationship situation to try and distract themselves from their pining, and maybe that leads to them understanding each other more, and healing their friendship through it. personally i headcanon that the trust between them would've been a little damaged after water 7, and made their friendship a little more complicated, and sometimes i forget that's not actually in the series because i love to overanalyse character dynamics.  
> with that being said, i'd recommend reading my other post-w7 oneshot first, since it has them kind of addressing some of those issues which might end up being pertinent to this fic: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24732226  
> ALSO usopp is trans in this fic because i just think he's trans. it's not really that relevant or mentioned more than once but i figured i'd say it here so i don't get any confused comments later

Zoro leaves the crow’s nest in the late afternoon, towel around his neck, making headway for the bathhouse; comfortably tired. The sea’s been calm the past fortnight or so, with no real disturbances that called for all hands on deck, and so Zoro’s found himself settled into a kind of routine solitude. He has never been overly social, true, but these days it feels clear even to him; he’s retreating into himself, a hermit crab. He sleeps, works out, naps, eats, takes watch, sleeps. A loop that blurs days and nights together. Zoro doesn’t mind.

The crew doesn’t seem to notice, truth be told, other than a couple of exceptions; for the most part they leave him to it. And perhaps it was the bed he’d made for himself, being such a solitary unit, keeping to himself while the others laughed and played and made an uproar— that’s what he tells himself, at the times it gets to him, hazy with sleep and a longing for something he had no way of obtaining. Zoro was lonely. And he knew the rational solution to that was to stop isolating himself, to break his routine, to try and participate, but— but.

He doesn’t know. Stubbornness, maybe. Pride. He’d committed himself to the way he was; to cave now because of his own weakness, that would be cowardly, surely. Or maybe that’s the dojo talking, the years of discipline and training and study in the principle of honor. Zoro doesn’t know. All he knows is that he’s lonely, and he’s not going to admit it.

Chopper asks him very casually, once, in a routine check:  _ do you think you might be depressed? _ He hadn’t skirted around it; it had been clinical, conversational, which Zoro appreciated. But he’d said no, because in truth, he didn’t think he was. It wasn’t something he’d ever considered himself capable of, really; not exactly because he thought it was weak, just not something he himself was saddled with. Zoro had always been able to overcome negative emotion by dedicating himself to improvement, by setting himself a new goal, reaching higher; with enough discipline, he could control what he felt, move past whatever was holding him back.

Well. Everything except his feelings for Luffy, he supposed.

Usopp’s the only one he spots on the deck as he climbs down the ladder; he’s sat on the second-floor deck rails with his legs dangling over the edge. The sight never pleased Zoro, who’s had to dive in to rescue Luffy more times than he can count, but he supposed Usopp at least could usually handle himself in the water, clumsy as he was. Usopp glances over as Zoro makes his way up the stairs from the lawn deck, giving him an idle wave; friendly, if low-energy. That’s something they have in common, lately. 

“Oh, hey, Zoro.”

“Hey.” Zoro walks over, leaning against the railings and resting his chin on his forearms. He glances down at the sea, then at the empty icebox nearby. “Catch much?”

“Nah. They aren’t really biting.”

Zoro snorts softly. “Story of the year.”

They’ve been talking more, since the crew’s reunion on Saobody; about this, in particular. Zoro wouldn’t think it inaccurate to say, in fact, that Usopp is the person he’s been talking to most over the past few weeks; odd, considering how complicated their relationship was, how for a long time now they’d been holding each other at just under an arm’s length. Always leaving room between them for an unseen guest. But— well. Usopp was the only other person who was, figuratively, in the same boat.

Which wasn’t to say that he was the only person aware of it— Nami knew, for sure, of the extent of Zoro’s feelings for Luffy, had known since the day she met them, back at the birth of their motley crew. Robin had to know, perceptive as she was. But Usopp understood, was suspended in the same space as Zoro, that valley of hesitation that separated him from the object of his affections. Usopp and Zoro perhaps knew better than anyone else, at this point, what it was to hold yourself at a distance from someone you love. 

Usopp glances over, looking down with a sympathetic look. “Still nothing, huh.”

“Yeah.” Zoro exhales, the breath stirring the hair on his arms, still damp with sweat. “Probably for the best.”

“You think?”

“He’s my captain. It’d be selfish of me to try and ask for more.” 

“Ah, don’t say that…” Usopp says weakly, but they both know there’s not really much point trying to pep-talk Zoro when he’s justifying something to himself like this, so he lets it drop for now, looking sadly back to the barren water.

“What about you?” Zoro offers after a moment of unhappy silence, eager to change the subject.

“Me?”

“Yeah. The shitty cook.”

“Oh. Ah, well, y’know.” He musters a grin, though it’s clearly forced. “You know me. I was barking up the wrong tree, as usual.”

Zoro frowns. “For real?”

“Well, I don’t know.” Usopp shrugs. “I mean, he knows I like him, for sure. He isn’t oblivious or dumb like Luffy is about that kind of stuff, he always thinks people are hitting on him. So even if he does like dudes too, he definitely doesn’t like me.”

“Could just be a coward,” Zoro suggests, but Usopp shakes his head sadly.

“I’m the coward. He probably just doesn’t want to hurt my feelings. He’s trying to be nice. So, uh. I’m not gonna ruin that by forcing him into a confrontation he clearly doesn’t want, y’know?”

“You can’t know for sure if you don’t ask him.”

“Yeah, I know. But I think I can handle not knowing for sure. ‘Cause I think if I say it out loud, there’s a chance he’ll never be the same with me again.” Usopp smiles sadly. “And I don’t think I can handle that, y’know. Losing what I’ve got with him already.” 

_ Like what happened with us after Water 7,  _ Zoro thinks, and quickly pushes the thought from his mind. 

“You seem down on it,” he says, filling the silence. “You were pretty hopeful last time we talked about this.”

“Well… I thought— I don’t know.” Usopp fidgets with the fishing rod, picking at the line. “I thought things might be different, after we all reunited. That I’d have a chance. All that time apart, I thought maybe— I don’t know. I’d be different. He’d be different. So I kind of… made a promise to myself. That I’d hold onto it until I saw him again, but if after that it was still the same, I’d let go. Because I changed so much, and I thought, maybe wherever he is, he could be going through the same thing. But… well.”

“He’s changed the least,” Zoro agrees, and Usopp smiles weakly, looking over.

“You haven’t changed much, either, y’know. Other than your badass scar.” He taps his right eye as if to illustrate the point. Zoro huffs.

“I’m stronger.”

“Oh, yeah, duh. I just meant, like, personality.”

Zoro shrugs, then glances out to sea.

“You changed a lot.”

Usopp blinks at him, a small, embarrassed smile; then it’s gone, replaced by his usual grandstanding grin. “Well, I mean,  _ duh _ . I’d expect no less! I worked hard to better myself! Every day was a trial on those islands, a fight to stay alive, just me and my wits against the savage beasts of the untamed wilds…”

“Sounds horrible,” Zoro says, impassive. Usopp sighs, shoulders drooping; he doesn’t have the stamina to go on these grand riffs anymore like he used to, talking everyone’s ear off for hours. Zoro thinks it’s a good thing; a sign that Usopp had grown up a bit, perhaps. But then, he can’t say he’s not biased, because he for one finds it far easier to talk to Usopp now that every other word wasn’t bullshit.

“It actually was, y’know,” he says, unguarded. “I mean, I know I exaggerate, but what I said about that island was for real. Like, seriously, if you let your guard down a second, something would try to eat you. Plant, giant bug, the ground...”

“I know,” Zoro grunts. “I said it sounded horrible.”

“O-oh.” Usopp blinks in surprise. “You did believe me, then?” 

A shrug. “Hard not to. You woke up freaking out eight times a night for, like, a month afterward.”

Usopp winces, grimacing. “Oof. Yeah. Sorry about that.”

“Don’t need to apologise.”

“Sorry,” Usopp says again reproachfully, then catches himself, and giggles. Zoro smirks back at him, and they’re quiet, letting the warm air sit between them. The sky’s a pleasant orange as the sunset approaches, sitting low and defined among the pink clouds like a ripe persimmon; it reminds Zoro of Alabasta, of the desert sunsets that they’d all been too dehydrated to care about. Usopp breaks the silence first, tentative as always before he speaks.

“You know, I don’t think it would be selfish of you,” he says quietly. “If you did pursue more with Luffy. But even if it was, I think that would be okay. For you to be a bit more selfish.”

Trust Usopp to lull Zoro into thinking the subject was dropped and then bring it up again just once they’ve found a comfortable moment.

“Of course you’d say that,” he mutters, and Usopp frowns, offended. Credit to him, though, he doesn’t rise. 

“I mean it,” he says seriously, gliding past the jab. “You’re never doing things for yourself. I get that you’re loyal, and disciplined, and you don’t like standing out or asking for things. Or wanting things. But that’s why I think that, if you finally have something that you know you want, it’s important you go after it. ‘Cause you’re not a person who wants a lot of things. So no one would think any less of you if you just went after something that made you happy, for once.” Usopp bites the inside of his cheek, looking a little nervous. “Other than, like, stealing my booze,” he jokes, trying to lighten the mood. Zoro just scratches the side of his face, avoiding Usopp’s gaze.

“You can’t handle your booze anyway,” he says quietly, mouth half-muffled against his wrist, but doesn’t argue any more; Usopp looks at him warily for a moment before giving him a smile. More quiet; then Usopp lets out a theatrical sigh and finally abandons the fishing rod, dropping it onto the deck and swinging his legs round the other side of the railing, leaning back on his hands. 

“Man,” he moans, drawing out the syllable, trying to kill the awkwardness. “We really suck at heart-to-hearts, huh?”

Zoro snorts softly. “You’re fine. I just don’t— you know. Words—”

“Yeah, yeah. I get it, caveman.” 

Zoro grunts, embarrassed. Usopp just hums, then eventually slides down off Sunny’s rails to mirror Zoro’s position, leaning against them, and rests the side of his face against his elbows so he can see Zoro.

“I am sorry,” he says, a touch mournful, though nothing in particular has happened. “About you and Luffy. I mean, I stand by what I said. But I get it. Why you don’t want to do anything.”

Zoro believes him. The one they were feeling was a personal, contained hurt, one inflicted by time and growth rather than an external catalyst; a dull ache that accumulated over time until it became unbearable. Not a simple wound-pain reaction; that would’ve been preferable. Zoro shakes his head, the motion simultaneously an grateful acceptance of Usopp’s condolences, and a dismissal.

“Can’t say I feel the same,” he says after a moment’s quiet. “You’re better off without that asshole.”

Usopp doesn’t say anything, just looks down at his feet sadly.

“I like him,” he mumbles, and it’s so pathetic that Zoro feels a pang of pity.

“He doesn’t deserve you,” he says eventually, and Usopp lifts his head to give a sideways glance. Zoro can tell it hasn’t made him feel any better, and in truth, he hadn’t meant it to; he just said what he thought. Zoro didn’t do dressing up the truth, didn’t do the white lies of consideration that Usopp practically spoke in; just another place where they differed, by matter of principle. But Usopp manages to give him a grateful smile, anyway;  _ message received _ . 

A lot of their communication is like this, Zoro thinks, or at least it had been since that moment after Usopp re-joined the crew. They don’t speak each other’s language, the two of them; don’t think the same, don’t feel the same. But they still care, and still try to say what they think they ought to, even though they know it’s not always what the other wants, or needs, to hear. In some ways, they’re more honest with each other for it. There is an aspect of trying, to their relationship as it was now; trying with, and despite the knowledge that it was imperfect, and probably always would be. 

It’s painful. There’s always a little pain, whenever they talk, these little jabs or misunderstood comments that dig into them like thorns; not because they want to hurt each other, or try to. They just do. But it feels worth it, somehow. 

“Okay,” Zoro says, straightening up and readjusting his towel. “I’m going to shower. And then I’m gonna come back, break open a cask and get drunk. You can come or not.”

Usopp ponders this. “Depends. Are you gonna steal the drink outta my hand before I’ve finished it?”

“Maybe. If the situation calls for it.”

“Ugh. Go shower already, you stink.” 

***

Nami joins them that evening, having bumped into Zoro after his shower on her way out from the observation room; she was already a little tipsy, what with Sanji trying out experimental daiquiri recipes on her all day, and insists that they drink from the regular booze stash instead of the beer casks, because she didn’t want to mix her drinks. Zoro had tried to argue that it was his idea, but there was really no arguing with Nami, so when he makes his way back out onto the deck to Usopp it’s with a crate of various spirits from the aquarium bar’s supplies, and Nami in tow. 

“Ooh, change of plans?” Usopp says once he sees them. “I thought you wanted to break stuff.”

Zoro just rolls his eyes and gestures with his chin at Nami, who runs over excitedly to sit beside Usopp.

“I don’t want to be sick,” she says with a wink.

“You weren’t even invited,” Zoro grumbles, but Nami just sticks out her tongue at him.

“What’s the occasion?” She directs the question more at Usopp than Zoro, who’s preoccupied with finding the most butch bottle in the crate of fruity bar liquors and orange pre-mixed spritzers.

“There isn’t one, Zoro just felt like drinking.” 

Nami glances at the swordsman, snorting. “You were gonna drink a whole cask by yourself, just ‘cause you felt like it?”

“Usopp was gonna help.”

“Like you’d let him.”

Usopp raises his eyebrows at Zoro, smirking. “See?”

Zoro just shakes his head, settling on a dark brown whiskey bottle while Nami pours herself and Usopp some concoctions of rum and flavored mixer. “I’m starting to think the shitty cook would be less annoying company than you two.”

“Oh! Shall I go get him to join us? San—” Nami starts, but Usopp and Zoro both interrupt her with stifled yells, far too quickly. Nami stops, and looks at them, smirking. “Oh?” 

“Just, um.” Usopp shifts uneasily, hiding his mouth behind his drink. “Don’t get him.”

“He’s avoiding him,” Zoro says matter-of-factly. Nami glances from Zoro to Usopp, eyes flaring in recognition. 

“Ooh, are we talking boy trouble again?” She cheers, though notes to keep the volume down. “Hooray, a girl’s night in! You should’ve told me, I would’ve brought nail polish.”

“Shut up,” Zoro says.

“Is that why you guys are doing this while Luffy’s napping, too?”

“Maybe,” Usopp mumbles, taking a very long drink. Nami grins, enjoying herself far too much, and takes a sip of her drink, crossing her legs and leaning forward. 

“Okay, so fill me in.”

Zoro just takes an enormous swig of whiskey, needing to be a lot drunker a lot sooner.

“Nothing, really,” Usopp says pensively, swirling his glass. “We just kind of… think things are hitting a dead end. Y’know? Like, maybe it’s time to move on.”

“Speak for yourself,” Zoro mutters.

“Hey, make your mind up, mister ‘ _ loving my captain is selfish _ ’.” 

Zoro goes red, making a strangled noise, and opts to return to drinking. Nami looks between them again like she’s watching a game of volleyball, now very excited, then sighs and shakes her head, tutting.

“I can’t believe you guys have been talking about this without me.”

“Well, it’s kind of not your business,” Usopp mumbles into his glass.

“What?!”

“Nothing, Nami. Sorry, Nami.”

Nami squints at him, ensuring he’s the right amount of reproachful before letting it go. “Well, anyway, you’re both giving up too quick,” she says, leaning back and crossing her legs the other way, arms spread wide. “You just need a new attack plan.”

“It’s not a war,” Usopp says.

“Of course it is. Anyway, you two should just get together and make them jealous.”

Usopp nearly spits out his drink. 

“It’s tried and tested,” Nami continues, ignoring him, “And proven to work literally every time.”

Zoro snorts. “That’d never happen.”

“Right, yeah,” Usopp agrees, a little too quickly. “Stupid idea, Nami. Jeez.”

Zoro doesn’t react to Usopp, taking another swig of whiskey. “Usopp couldn’t do a casual relationship,” he says. “He’d just fall for me. That’d make things too complicated.”

Usopp, cheeks getting very dark, shoots Zoro a scowl. “Hey. You’re not all that.”

“Oh, I know. You just have very low standards.”

“He’d fall for anyone who’s nice to him,” Nami agrees, nodding sadly. Usopp looks between them, mouth hanging agape.

“Good thing you’re both  _ horrible  _ to me, then,” he mutters. Zoro shoots Nami a knowing smirk.

“Too dependent,” he says. Usopp just gawks, but can’t think of a good comeback, so he turns his attention to Nami instead.

“I didn’t see you brainstorming this kind of stuff back with Vivi, anyway, genius.”

Nami looks wistful a moment, then it’s gone, replaced with a wink and a wagging finger. “Ah-ah-ah. That wasn’t the same, since Vivi actually returned my feelings, big guy.”

Usopp and Zoro both wince. Nami just smiles, satisfied, and looks out to sea a moment before she continues. “Anyway, things with Vivi were… well. She didn’t stay behind because of me, or because she was repressed—” a pointed glance at Usopp— “or oblivious,” a pointed glance at Zoro. 

“She stayed behind for herself, because she loved her country. I wouldn’t want to take her from her dream, even if it made both of us sad.” She sips her drink with both hands, like it’s a warm cup of tea, and smiles fondly; privately. “What I had with Vivi is always gonna have a special place in my heart. But I don’t know if I’m ever going to see her again. So I’m not going to stop living my life, hoping. Y’know?”

She grins at them then, in that way she does sometimes; big, honest, full of teeth, the Nami smile that was real and genuine, and Zoro and Usopp can’t really help but return it. She’s telling them something, too, in her own, indirect way. A way that she knows won’t make them recoil. 

“Moving on is okay,” she says, and downs her drink. “So’s trying. Whatever works best. I’m rooting for you guys either way, though.”

“Thanks, Nami,” Usopp mumbles, and Zoro nods, looking away. They both drink.

Nami stands up, stretching, and wobbling a little; Usopp tries to reach out, alarmed, but she catches her balance in time and giggles. “Okay,” she announces. “I’m the right amount of drunk, and I’m guessing you two wanted a moment. So, I’m gonna go to bed.”

“O-oi, hey, it’s fine, we didn’t mean—” Usopp protests, reaching for her arm, but Nami just grins and shakes him off.

“Yeah, yeah, I know,” she says, smiling cheekily, her nose and cheeks flushed pink from the alcohol. “But I’m sleepy anyway. Plus, I don’t wanna be around for the emotional stuff, I’ll get  _ so  _ bored.”

Usopp just blinks at her, processing, but Zoro smiles, lifting his bottle at her.

“Night,” he says. “Sleep well.”

Nami just chuckles, flashing a peace sign at them, and then she’s gone, wobbling up the stairs to the girl’s dorm, hands braced on the rail to steady herself. Usopp watches her go, still looking owlish, before sighing and shaking his head.

“She’s so great,” he says fondly.

“Heard that,” Nami calls from the second deck, making him splutter, and then there’s a small giggle and the sound of the cabin door clicking shut. Usopp mutters an embarrassed curse, though he’s still smiling a little, and pours himself another drink. Zoro smiles too, shaking his head, and moves over to sit on the log bench beside Usopp in the space Nami was occupying before.

“Yeah,” he says, “She is.” He leans back against the wall behind, face aimed up to the night sky, and takes another drink idly; the deck’s quiet for a moment as both of them occupy themselves with the alcohol. Then Zoro rolls his head to the side, looking at Usopp, his face illuminated a warm orange from the wall lantern near them. “Hey, what happened to your crush on her?”

“Huh? You remember that?”

“Yeah, I dunno. I just remembered. You never really said what happened.”

Usopp just smiles, shaking his head absently. “I don’t even know if you could call it a crush. I just wasn’t used to a girl paying attention to me like that, and we spent a lot of time together back then. Plus, I think I was a little jealous of Vivi, after they started hanging out. Felt like she was stealing my best friend, y’know.” He catches Zoro’s eye, and they both smile at the childish memory. It feels like decades ago, now. “Anyway, it never went anywhere. I mean, obviously, since she’s a lesbian. But then also ‘cause then we got to Skypeia, and…”

“You fell in love with Sanji instead,” Zoro supplies.

“Yup.”

Zoro smiles, exhaling, and looks back to the stars, draining his bottle.

“You really need to stop falling for people who only like women,” he says lightly. “It’s not a good habit.” 

“It’s a rare birth condition, actually. So maybe you shouldn’t make jokes about it, asshole.”

Zoro laughs then, properly, and reaches over, takes Usopp’s half-drained glass out of his hand, and downs it. Usopp looks torn between getting annoyed and grinning, but he’s drunk, and it’s warm out, so obviously he goes for the latter, instead just giving Zoro a chagrined little shake of his head.

“I haven’t heard you laugh like that in ages,” he remarks, pouring more booze into Nami’s abandoned glass so he can keep drinking. (Nami’s always got his back _. _ ) Zoro just smiles lazily as he leans back, shrugging. 

“Yeah, well. Maybe you just haven’t made a good joke in ages, then.”

“Ooh, ouch. A heckler.”

Zoro chuckles, shaking his head, and reaches down to the crate for a new bottle, caring less about which one it was this time. Then as he leans back, unscrewing it, he makes a small sound. 

“Hey, does Sanji know about…?” He moves one hand to his chest, making a vague circular gesture. Usopp scrutinises for a moment before realising.

“Oh, that. Uh, no, thankfully.”

Zoro cocks his head, taking a drink. Usopp makes a face. “Well, he’s already pretty bad about gay stuff. I figured adding that layer to it might just make things doubly difficult.”

“He’d know about it anyway, if you did get together,” Zoro points out.

“Well, yeah, but I’d rather cross that bridge when I get to it. No point worrying about a situation that’s never gonna happen anyway, y’know.”

“‘No point worrying’? That’s unlike you.”

“Eh, call it character development.”

Zoro smirks, exhaling; Usopp chuckles lightly, sipping at his drink, tinted a little orange at the bottom from the dregs that Nami had left in the glass.

“Y’know, shitty as everything about him is, maybe him knowing wouldn’t be such a bad thing.”

Usopp glances at Zoro, grimacing. “Yeah, maybe. But... I think if he’s gonna love me, it has to be as a man. I don’t want him to only like me if he can think of me as something else. If that makes things easier for him afterwards, fine, but… y’know, I don’t really want that to be a contributing factor.”

“I get it.”

“Anyway, I’m not so desperate that I’d sink to try and... use that about myself, just on the off chance it might mean he’d feel less weird about being attracted to me. I worked hard for this. I’m not that pathetic.”

“I know you’re not,” Zoro says quietly, putting an arm around him. “Sorry. That was shitty.”

Usopp smiles, leaning against Zoro. “S’fine. I know you didn’t mean it like that. It’s been on my mind, anyway.”

Zoro nods, taking another swig and grimacing. He takes a glance at the bottle. Gin. Of course. 

“Man, you really lucked out with Luffy, huh,” Usopp says, eyes closed peacefully. 

“Well, I don’t know about that. Luffy’s gay, but he’s an idiot.”

Usopp chuckles at that, and lifts his glass from his lap to take another drink, still smiling as he swallows. “Yeah, fair point,” he snorts. “At least I’ve got a real reason my relationship can’t work.”

Zoro frowns. “Hey.”

“Sorr-y,” Usopp sing-songs. Zoro grunts disapprovingly, looking down at him.

“Don’t make me steal your drink again.”

“You wouldn’t do it  _ twice. _ ”

“Keep winding me up and find out.”

“Ooh, scary,” Usopp says sarcastically, but then Zoro starts to reach over and immediately Usopp clutches the glass to his chest protectively, sputtering apologies,  _ no nooo I’m sorry please no please,  _ and Zoro falls back, chortling.

They stay out for a long time, working their way through as much booze as they can; at least, until Sanji comes out to smoke, catches them, and angrily confiscates the crate, scolding that this booze was for him to make the ladies’ cocktails with.  _ Sorr-yyy,  _ Usopp whines,  _ we just wanted to get drunk,  _ to which Sanji just points out the three empty bottles beside Zoro, swearing and aiming a kick at the swordsman’s ankles. Zoro smirks lazily, and makes some wry comment to infuriate Sanji, while Usopp groans,  _ no, don’t fight now, I’m too drunk.  _ Sanji swears some more, taking the crate of remaining bottles back to the aquarium bar, and returns shortly after to aggressively dump a jug of water and two cups on the table between them, before storming off to the dorms.

“Aww,” Usopp says, reaching out and pouring them each a glass. “He does care, really.”

“‘Course he does,” Zoro snorts, taking one and downing it. Usopp looks at him, surprised.

“Hey, you don’t really hate him, right?”

“Eh.” A shrug. “Sometimes. But I wouldn’t be on a crew with someone I seriously loathed.”

Usopp nods, then smiles as he looks down, sipping his water; pleased.

“Hey,” Zoro says then, absently. “You think about what Nami said?”

Usopp blanches, and coughs. “Huh?”

“Me and you.”

“Um—” Usopp glances away, reeling. He’s drunk enough that his anxiety hasn’t really got the power to clam him up completely, but even so, it’s a slap to the face. “What about all that stuff you said? About me not being able to?”

“You want Nami sinking her claws into me saying it’s a good idea?”

_ Oof.  _ “Yeah, okay, fair point.”

Zoro pours himself more water, and leans back against the wall. “It’s fine if you don’t want to. But I know you, and you’d never ask.”

“No, no, I do want to,” Usopp says quickly, “I mean— not,  _ want to,  _ want to, it’s fine. Sorry, I’m just… surprised.”

Zoro shrugs. “Luffy’s not going anywhere. I don’t really know how much longer I can do this, to be honest.” He sips at his water, and looks disappointed that it’s not alcohol. Usopp looks sideways at him, at the distinct curves of his profile lined in orange by the lantern, his closed eye, his face impassive, slightly flushed by the booze. It’s always hard to tell what he’s thinking, usually. But right now, something about him looks incredibly defeated.

“Do what?”

Zoro doesn’t answer straight away, staring out at nothing, his hands lax around his glass in his lap. “Hope,” he says simply. When he doesn’t get a reply, Zoro rolls his head to the side slightly, so his good eye can glance over to see Usopp staring at the floor, gripping his knees.

“Don’t make that face,” he says dully. “I just mean I need a distraction. That’s all.”

“Yeah,” Usopp says quietly, cheeks flushed. “I think I know what you mean.”

Zoro looks at him a few moments more before looking away.

“Not to make them jealous, though, right?” Usopp blurts out suddenly, making Zoro glance back in surprise. “I mean, like. For us, sure. But not to try and, I don’t know, do some mind game. I don’t wanna do anything like that, it’s…”

“Low,” Zoro finishes. “Yeah, I know.” He downs his glass, then exhales softly. “Wouldn’t work, anyway. Well, not for Luffy. Sanji, maybe. Especially since it’s me.”

Usopp considers this a moment, then shakes his head. “No. No, that’s the kind of thing I would’ve done two years ago. I… don’t wanna be like that any more.” Quiet a moment, and then lifting his head with a weak smile, more lightly: “But if it’s just, y’know, some pathetic self-destructive attempt to chase away the endless void of loneliness, that’ll probably end with us either even more miserable or hating each other, then, yeah, okay.”

Zoro smirks back, letting out a weak laugh. “Okay.” 

Then he slowly, slowly leans over, head angled, to meet Usopp’s lips. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is basically just a sex scene which historically i am not good at writing because i love writing awkward snippy dialogue too much. but i tried. zoro is very annoying in bed

They meet on nights when one of them has a watch, since it’s easier for one of them to slip away from the dorms to meet the other outside, rather than both of them attempting to climb out of their bunks, leave the dorm, and sneak past whoever was out on deck; particularly if it was Brook or Robin, who could hear a pin drop. 

It isn’t like they’re embarrassed, really, or think the crew would react badly; it was more about keeping things uncomplicated. And while sneaking around might seem counterproductive to that end, neither Zoro nor Usopp wanted to go through the process of their relationship becoming crew-wide knowledge, or indeed, any of the crew’s business at all. It was just hassle. And having to hear other people’s opinions on one’s life choices always seemed to influence the outcome, regardless of what those opinions were. 

They usually go to Usopp's workshop, though once or twice they go to the crow’s nest, Zoro chasing Usopp childishly up the ladder as Usopp suppressed his squeals. One time they do it out on the deck, up against the bow stairs, but Usopp complained that he got splinters and Zoro was far too concerned about the amount of noise they made to ever risk suggesting it again.

Volume was, in fact, one of Zoro’s biggest worries where their relationship was concerned; he couldn’t say he’d been expecting Usopp to be quiet, but he thought for a man that prided himself on lies and hiding, he’d be a little better at keeping his voice down. Or maybe that was just wishful thinking.  _ You are so loud,  _ he scolded one time, and Usopp just tried to laugh it off:  _ take it as a compliment.  _ Zoro doesn’t really care much for being complimented, though. Particularly not like that. 

So: the workshop. It was the obvious choice, what with it being explicitly Usopp’s territory on the ship, easily accessible from the deck, and all the way on the bottom floor, a good way away from any other rooms that people might be inhabiting. Except for one. 

“Won’t Franky hear?” Zoro asks, the first time he follows Usopp down the hatch, jerking his chin at the door that joined Usopp’s workshop to Franky’s. Usopp however just shakes his head, unperturbed.

“Nah, don’t worry. He soundproofed that wall.”

Zoro stares, incredulous, head slowly cocking to one side.  _ Explain.  _

“Oh, um. Well. Initially it was just, you know, drilling. And I was trying to concentrate, so it was annoying, but my headphones are pretty good for noise cancelling, so, y’know, whatever. Just kind of turned into white noise. But then he started having Robin in there, and it was a different kind of drilling, so, uh, I had to say something. I mean, y’know, I can’t listen to that, even through a noise cancelling filter.”

Zoro grimaces, looking simultaneously horrified and morbidly curious. “You… talked to him about it?”

“Uh. Well, I said it was because his power tools were noisy, but I think he got the message.” 

“No kidding,” Zoro says, shaking his head. “Different kind of power tool.”

“Please can we stop talking about Franky’s—”

“Power tool?”

“...Business,” Usopp says sternly. Zoro chortles.

“Yeah, gladly,” he says, and leans over to close the distance between them. Usopp leans back, at first, then lifts a hand against Zoro’s chest. 

“Mmf— wait, hang on. Let me just— I have a, um, a sheet around here somewhere—”

Zoro snorts, sitting back on his hands. “Okay, fussy.” Usopp shoots an indignant glare over his shoulder.

“I  _ work  _ in here, y’know.”

“Yeah, yeah.” 

Usopp eventually finds the damn thing, a large white sheet with some dried paint on it, and a blanket that he lays down over it. Privately, Zoro’s quite relieved when they settle onto the layered fabric, because the floor of Usopp’s workshop was mostly steel plates, and would definitely have started to get uncomfortable after a while; but hey, he’s got no plans to voice that Usopp’s relentless preparations for everything might have some benefits. The workshop felt like being inside an extension of Usopp’s bag, what with the crates of various junk, shelves lined with a cacophony of items that seemed to have no common theme; Usopp just had far too much  _ stuff. _ Zoro didn’t really own anything other than what he had on him at any one time, the clothes on his back and the swords at his side; and he liked it that way.

Different breeds, he supposes. Usopp likes to feel settled, to have a defensive burrow. Zoro’s migratory. Unattached. A rabbit and a hawk. 

“Okay,” Usopp breathes, sitting back to face Zoro. Zoro smirks, leaning forward on his palms.

“Okay? You quite ready?”

“ _ Yeah,  _ I’m ready, you’re the one making such a big goddamn deal over it,” Usopp huffs, cheeks darkening. Zoro just snorts and shakes his head, reaching behind his neck to yank his shirt up over his head, tossing it to the side. He glances back to see Usopp sitting propped up on his arms, leaning back, head resting on one shoulder, smiling absently.

“You just enjoy the show, yeah?”

“Uh-huh,” Usopp says dreamily. “I think I will, actually.”

“I don’t like that look in your eyes.”

Usopp laughs. “Yeah, this must be how Luffy feels when he sees a piece of meat.” He does a little impression, clasping his hands together and pretending to drool at Zoro’s chest. It probably would’ve made anyone else laugh, to be honest. But Zoro wishes he hadn’t.

He doesn’t want to think about Luffy right now.

Usopp, who is like a sniffer dog for praise, drops the act and glances at Zoro nervously, noticing his impression didn’t get a reaction. He looks confused a moment, then winces. “Sorry, I… forgot.”

“You forgot,” Zoro repeats, lightly shaking his head, though he returns to undressing. “Half the basis for our relationship.”

“Oh, don’t get mad,” Usopp whines, a cross between frustrated and worried. “I was just trying to make you laugh—”

“Yeah, yeah, I get it,” Zoro sighs, giving Usopp a chagrined smile, then an expectant look at his clothes.

“Jeez,” Usopp says lightly, taking the hint to undress and fidgeting with his suspender straps. “And you’re always saying  _ I’m  _ the sensitive one.”

“Oh, just stop talking for once in your life,” Zoro grumbles, and shoves him onto his back, doing the rest of the undressing himself. Usopp makes an amused noise, but gratifyingly shuts up, adjusting his hair so it wasn’t crushed under his head while Zoro yanked his trousers off and chucked them behind him. He takes note of what Usopp’s doing as he leans back, frowning.

“You never let it loose,” he says pointedly, reaching for the ponytail, but Usopp slaps his hands away. 

“It’ll get totally messed up if it’s down for this, it’ll tangle behind my head and stuff.”

“Yeah,” Zoro remarks. “Hot.”

“I could give a shit about hot. You’re not the one who’s gonna have to deal with it afterwards,  _ marimo.  _ It’s not low-maintenance like yours.”

Zoro rolls his eyes, but acquiesces, leaning down to cover Usopp’s mouth with his own.

They’d been expecting more of a learning curve, in all honesty, given how consistently their day-to-day interactions left one or both of them in some way dissatisfied. Usopp’s inability to stand up for himself pissed Zoro off; Zoro’s obtuse manner pissed Usopp off. Usopp was bamboo, thin and reedy, bending to whatever wind blew at him; Zoro was an oak, rigid and unmoving until he snapped. But oddly, in bed, that seemed to play to their advantage. (Well— there had to be something they were good at, as a team.)

Not to say that it going better than either expected meant it was seamless; their sex was constantly interrupted and peppered with less-than-ideal moments, gripes, complaints about this or that. But the honesty they already had with one another meant it never really posed a problem; in the face of how rocky their relationship already was, they were already well acquainted with these little irritations, and could move past them without the atmosphere souring. If anything, the bickering made it less awkward.

The first time hadn’t been awkward, drunk and in the moment as they both were; it hadn’t been particularly good, either. It was more of a throat-clearer, a rough sketch, a first draft; the honeymoon fuck. A lovely idea they had dreamed up, the details of which would be straightened out later, when they were sober, and feeling a little less idealistic about the whole thing. More like work colleagues trying to iron out problems in a business plan, than a couple in the happy, early days of a relationship. Which was fair enough, because it wasn’t a relationship. At worst, it was two people using each other to blow off steam; at best, it was a team-building exercise. Learning each other’s limits and strengths, establishing boundaries. Usopp, for example, was learning how Zoro did terrifying things when he was excited, and not just on the battlefield; like theatrically pointing the tip of Shusui’s blade at Usopp’s throat with a menacing grin.

“Ooh,” Usopp groans. “Could we lose the swords?”

“What, you don’t think they’re hot?” Zoro sounds a little offended, pulling the sword back.

“No! They’re giant sharp bits of metal that kill people!” 

“Exactly,” Zoro smirks, then scowls at Usopp’s stony face. “What, you’re seriously telling me there’s nothing erotic about a sharp blade cutting something neatly in two?”

“Why does the idea of bloody violence turn you on?”

“Why does the idea of bloody violence  _ not  _ turn you on?” 

“Seriously, no knives in the goddamn bed. I’m  _ deadly  _ serious, Zoro.”

“Even if I just do this?” Zoro asks, then draws up Shusui to his face and runs his tongue along the blade, not breaking eye contact. Usopp gawks, going very red.

“Okay, yeah, you can do that,” he mumbles. “Just, like, keep the pointy end away from me, please.” 

“Other than the one downstairs, you mean.”

“I hope you cut your tongue on that sword.”

“Do you want me to fuck you, or not?” 

“Yessir. Sorry.”

Zoro obliges, still a little put out by Usopp’s reaction to his sword stint, which apparently his face betrays; Usopp looks at him with a pitying expression, before letting out a small peal of laughter that makes Zoro scowl and go pink.

“I can’t believe you get turned on by swords,” he giggles, and squeaks when Zoro responds by changing his pace.

“Oh, shut up,” Zoro growls, and moves to clamp one hand around Usopp’s throat, tightening slightly. He’d thought it’d be hot, but Usopp just freezes, and pulls at his wrists feebly as an indication to let go; which Zoro does, immediately. Usopp sucks in a breath, composing himself.

“Bad?” Zoro asks.

“Yeah. Sorry,” Usopp mumbles, and rubs at his throat idly with one hand. “Just, y’know. Not... not that. Choking, I mean. You can, like, put your hand over my mouth or whatever, that’s cool, just... not my neck. It kind of makes me freak out.”

Faintly, Zoro recalls the image of a hulking wolf in his peripheral vision holding a struggling body in the air, claws in a vice around its throat, and then he gets it.

“Okay,” he says quietly, nodding, and lowers his hand to squeeze Usopp’s shoulder. “Sorry.”

“It’s fine, idiot,” Usopp breathes, trailing his fingers over Zoro’s knuckles. “It’s not like you knew.”

“Probably should’ve guessed,” he mutters, but Usopp gives him a weak smile.

“Well, I said that thing about Luffy, right?”

“I’m not going to do stuff you don’t like out of spite, don’t be childish. This isn’t a pissing contest.” 

“Yeah, I know. You’d win if it was, though.”

“True,” Zoro concedes, grinning, and gets back to it.

***

“Your turn,” Zoro says, flopping onto his back. “I’m tired.”

“How can you be tired? Look at you! You’re pure muscle!”

“I’m always doing the work, you just get to lie there.” Zoro folds his arms. “Get off your ass already.”

“I’m not as strong as you,” Usopp complains. “My thighs are gonna hurt.”

“You have muscles, use them. Aren’t you always going on about how great your body is now?”

“Yeah, but that’s—” Usopp protests, then trails off when he can’t think of an argument. “I thought you liked being in control, anyway.”

“Yeah, I do. But my arms hurt.” He glances over. “C’mon,” Zoro barks, and snaps his fingers like he’s calling over a waiter. “Up, up, up.”

“You’re so bossy,” Usopp grumbles, but he gets up, crawling over and straddling Zoro. Zoro smirks, placing one hand behind his head like he’s at the damn beach, and resting the other on one of Usopp’s thighs.

“Okay, off you go,” he says lightly, an irritating, jovial lilt to his voice. 

“You know how annoying you’re being?”

“I have an inkling,” he smirks, unfazed. 

“Fuck it, if I’m doing your job,” Usopp says, and reaches over for the sword, shoving the handle into Zoro’s mouth. “You just shut up and chew your stupid sword,” he says. “One sword style jackass.”

Zoro raises a finger as if to speak, so Usopp pulls the sword out when it’s clear Zoro won’t. 

“Two sword style, actually,” he says, not bothering to suppress his shit-eating grin. Usopp rolls his eyes, groaning, and is about to shove the sword back in when Zoro holds up his finger again.

“ _ What? _ ”

“Hair,” Zoro says.

“Hair?”

“Yeah. You’re up there now, so you can have your hair down, right?”

Usopp squints at him. “ _ That’s _ what this is?”

Zoro shrugs, smiling modestly. Usopp sucks his teeth in annoyance, but reaches up behind him to pull the tie from his hair, wincing as it tugs. Zoro puts his other arm back behind his head with a lazy smirk, watching as Usopp shakes his hair free and ruffles it loose with one hand, cascading around his face and shoulders in a huge wave.

“There. Happy?”

“Now I am,” he says smugly, and opens his mouth for Usopp to put the sword back in, which makes Usopp simultaneously scoff and laugh, leaning down to kiss Zoro before he does so.

Usopp might have muscles more for show than for function, and ordinarily his stamina left a lot to be desired, but he’d undersold himself when it came to legwork; though when he thinks about it Zoro shouldn’t be surprised, given how much goddamn running the sniper does. Usopp rides him rhythmically, with more control to his movements than he normally displayed, curving his back like it was a dance. Strands of baby hair stick down in small curls to his skin, shiny with sweat, about his forehead and his neck, the rest of it bouncing with his body as it lifts and drops; when Zoro reaches up to pull him down for a kiss, sinking a hand into the mass of curls, Usopp dodges his mouth and leans to the side, trailing his lips over Zoro’s ear, and tugging at one gold earring with his teeth.

“Fuck,” Zoro groans, and snakes one hand round to grip at Usopp’s ass, the other going under his thigh, helping to lift — anything to keep him moving like that — and gasps as he lets go and comes, Usopp pulsing around him, thighs twitching from the effort. Usopp for his part looks worn out too, collapsing forward against Zoro’s chest, panting; they both stay there a moment, Zoro gradually going soft inside Usopp, recovering his breath. Then he grins, and pats at Usopp’s side, squeezing at the flesh on his hip.

“Nice job,” he says approvingly. “You’re good at that.” 

“Thanks. I think I pulled something.”

“Yeah, yeah. I’ll take it from here.”

Usopp sighs in relief, letting Zoro grip him by the thighs and manoeuvre them around so Usopp’s on his back, before gradually moving down — trailing his lips along Usopp’s slicked stomach as he does so —and lifting Usopp’s legs up onto his shoulders. 

“Oi, you don’t have to—” he starts, glancing down in embarrassment. “I mean, I’m kind of tired anyway...”

“I’m not going to come first and then not finish you off,” Zoro scolds. “I’m not Sanji.”

Usopp rolls his eyes. “I thought you said this wasn’t a pissing contest.”

“It’s not, but I don’t trust you not to keep score, so I’m not giving you an inch.”

“No, you’re giving me several,” Usopp jokes, and Zoro groans, shoving two fingers up Usopp’s cunt to shut him up, following after them with his tongue. Usopp just whines tiredly, throwing an arm up over his eyes, and tries to match Zoro’s earlier composure as the latter eats him out.

Usopp had always had shaky legs, even without Zoro’s face between them, and he bites his hand to stop himself screaming when he finally comes, ankles digging sharply into Zoro’s broad back. Zoro had always found that tic of his somewhat annoying.

It was less annoying when he was the one making it happen, though. 

***

“How long are you gonna do that for?” Zoro asks, staring blankly at the ceiling.

“Mm? Do what?” Usopp doesn't lift his head from Zoro’s chest, tracing his fingers through the dips in Zoro’s muscles.

“That,” Zoro says. “You’re creeping me out.”

“What? I’m just touching you. Last time I checked you didn’t have a problem with that.”

“No, you’re not. You’re like, studying me.”

“I can’t help it. Bodies are interesting.” 

“Study your own body,” Zoro huffs.

“Yours is better. Your muscles and stuff are like, more defined. So I can properly see all the ridges, and where they connect, and stuff. Like, if I do this—” Usopp presses his finger slightly into a dip in Zoro’s ribcage— “That’s where your muscles connect to the bone with tendons. Which I can sort of feel....  _ here _ . It’s cool. I mean, bodies are basically organic machines.”

“I’m not a machine,” Zoro grumbles.

“You so are! You know electricity occurs naturally inside our brains? That’s why Minks can naturally have lightning powers, ‘cause they evolved differently from us. I don’t know how much science you did as a kid, but—”

“Absolutely none.”

“Okay. Well, there’s different types of energy, and with machines you need something to generate that power, a type of natural energy, like oil or sunlight or water force. That’s why machines need fuel or power supplies to work. And humans are kind of the same, we work on food, but the difference is that we can actually store some of that material in ourselves, cause muscle has the ability to grow. Like, machines can’t absorb the power you give them to get better at what they do or last longer, they just use it up. But people, the more they do, the tougher and stronger they get, ‘cause the waste material from our energy source gets absorbed into us. Proteins and oil and stuff. So your muscles get big and defined, and you get strong. I think that’s just really cool. Plants are kind of the same, actually. Like, did you know that if you put some kind of dye in the water or soil that you give to flowers, they can absorb it, and grow into unnatural colours— Zoro?”

Zoro pretends to snore.

“Oh, ex _ cuse _ me, I thought you were asking why I’m interested. Next time I’ll just get a big melon and drop it on my head, shall I?”

“Yeah, well, you’re always talking about how you wanna take machines apart,” Zoro says idly, snorting at Usopp’s theatrics.

“Well, with humans it’s different, ‘cause they stop working if you take them apart, so it’d be pointless. That’s where machines are cool, cause when something goes wrong you can usually open it up and see the problem, and replace or fix it. With humans, it’s basically like having to guess what’s wrong from the outside. You can’t do surgery to cure a cold, y’know. Plus, then humans have to heal. But imagine how cool it’d be if you could just take us apart, pull out broken bones and stick in a new one, then click it all back together.”

“You sound like Traffy,” Zoro mutters.

“His power would be pretty useful for all doctors,” Usopp agrees. “I’m not a doctor though. I just think structures are neat.”

“No shit.”

“What, you don’t agree? I mean, flex your arm.” Zoro flexes it. “Like, don’t you ever just think, how come I can do that? Like, bones aren’t alive, and meat doesn’t move on its own. So how come you can lift it? You really never thought to yourself, _ hey, why can I move? _ ”

Zoro frowns, and stares. “Man, I really don’t think about things as much as you.”

“What, you never wondered?”

Zoro shrugs. “I don’t worry about that kind of stuff. I can move. That’s it, I go from there.”

Usopp sighs, sinking back down. “Such a philistine,” he murmurs softly, and goes back to tracing his finger along the ridge of Zoro’s sternum. Zoro watches him a moment, quiet; then slowly, he lets his eyes drift shut, and goes to sleep, the warmth from the touches to his chest pulsing through him like a wound.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is kind of rushed because i knew where i wanted it to go and didn't want to drag it out too long, plus it's quite late and i was eager to get it finished and tie some things together. i feel a bit worried about my characterisation here because a lot of the parts of this chapter weren't written chronologically, and as i say, i wanted things to move fast. that being said, this is probably the closest this fic will get to any real plot of its own, so hopefully its not terrible. enjooooy and thank you everyone for the kind comments on previous chapters, they've really motivated me!!

“Zoro, Zoro! Zoro–“ 

Usopp whines as he tips over the edge, thighs gripping about Zoro’s hips like a vice, shaking and jerking uncontrollably, crying out Zoro’s name over and over. Usopp is unfortunately about as loud in bed as he is everywhere else, which is to say very loud indeed, and Zoro for some reason can’t stand the sound of his name right now. He debates just covering Usopp’s mouth with his hand - simple, effective - but that seems a little too harsh all things considered, so he shuts him up with a kiss. Usopp’s too overwhelmed to really reciprocate properly, but it does at least get him to stop talking, twitching and thrashing beneath Zoro until the orgasm’s passed, and Zoro can finally pull back to let Usopp catch his breath, still gasping with every thrust.

When Zoro feels himself get close he pulls out, and gasps too, letting his head drop to rest on Usopp’s heaving chest as he finishes, hands digging craters into the sheets either side of Usopp’s torso. Usopp, still shuddering a little, reaches down and runs his hands softly through Zoro’s hair as the latter comes, stroking at his scalp in a way that, alarmingly to Zoro, feels oddly maternal. Comforting. Zoro doesn’t want comfort. He doesn’t want to feel safe.

He thinks about Luffy, about Luffy’s strong silhouette against the horizon, leading him on —  _ I’ll follow you, I’ll follow you anywhere—  _ and tries to ignore the warm hands coaxing him through the climax.

“Zoro,” Usopp murmurs. “Have you ever felt powerless?”

“All the damn time, when I’m arguing with you,” he mutters.

“I’m serious.”

Zoro bites the inside of his cheek, then glances away; the look he makes when he’s retreating. Burrowing deeper inside himself.

“Knock-knock,” Usopp says. “Hey. You still in there, big guy?”

“Yeah.”

A small smile. “Yeah, you still in there? Or yeah, you’ve felt weak?”

“Of course I’ve felt weak,” Zoro says quietly. Usopp just blinks at him with a questioning look, dark eyes wide and attentive; an invitation to keep speaking at his leisure.

“Thriller Bark,” he murmurs, staring at the ceiling. “And… when I was a kid. Opponents I couldn’t beat, no matter how hard I tried. Where I was brought up, there wasn’t any obstacle you couldn’t overcome, as long as you were disciplined enough.”

“And?”

Zoro shrugs.

“I wasn’t disciplined enough.” 

Usopp sighs, sounding unsatisfied, and then they’re quiet for a while.

“You never talk about yourself,” Usopp says absently, lifting his head so he can rest his chin against Zoro’s sternum.

“Really not that much to say,” he replies, staring up at the ceiling.

“Yeah, right.”

“Seriously,” Zoro says, impassive. “I’m not that interesting.”

“Can I be the judge of that?”

Zoro grunts, sounding reluctant. Usopp’s pleading rarely works on Zoro, but he tries anyway, sticking out his lower lip. “C’mon. You got to see, like, my whole village. That’s basically my entire life right there. I feel like I don’t know anything about you.” 

Zoro sighs, the breath trailing off into a low groan. “I told you, there’s nothing to know. I grew up in a dojo, then I became a bounty hunter trying to make a name for myself, then I met Luffy. That’s it.” 

“You suck at telling stories,” Usopp whines. 

“At least it’s true.” 

It sort of hurts, these moments; Usopp feels it there, solid as a wall, the feeling of Zoro pushing him away. Zoro refusing, staunchly, to let him in. As he always does, he sucks it up with a disappointed sigh, and rests his head back against Zoro’s chest; the frustration coming in a wave, then washing over and off him, surf back to the sea. Zoro didn’t really do talking, Usopp knows, and by all logic he should’ve stopped trying by now. But he doesn’t want to. He doesn’t know why, or what he’s looking for; Zoro talks when he has something to say, and not at any other time. He’s impenetrable, a fortress, though Usopp has no idea what he’s guarding. He doesn’t think Zoro is keeping any great secrets, and that’s not what Usopp hopes to find; he just wants a clearer picture of him, in his mind. The person that Zoro was. The things that Zoro wanted. The things that upset him, and the things that didn’t. That was what talking was, wasn’t it? Not all words had to mean things, not all conversations had to be written in stone. At least, that was what Usopp thought. Zoro wasn’t really any good at talking, he supposes. No one seemed to have really taught him how. 

But Usopp still manages to find small pockets of vulnerability on Zoro’s body, that he rests his head against, explores with his fingertips; the hollow between Zoro’s collarbones beneath his Adam’s apple, the gaps between his fingers when his palms were splayed on the sheets beside Usopp, the pulse point on the inside of his wrists, the dip in between his shoulder blades. The shell of his ear, when he’s leaning over him, their necks entwined. It isn’t really enough to know him, to  _ get  _ him, but when it came to their relationship and how much they struggled to speak, Usopp learns to take what he can get. Though it doesn’t stop him hoping for more. 

***

“Is he okay?”

Chopper glances at Usopp, his small brow furrowed in concern. 

“He’ll be fine, but he’d be fine quicker if he just stayed in bed and did what I told him…”

“He’s probably in the crow’s nest. I’ll go look for him.”

Zoro had been wounded during a not unusual incident - an ambush from a lesser pirate crew - a few days off the coast of Punk Hazard. Unfortunately during the attack, most of the crew had taken a brief reconnaissance trip on the Mini Merry, due to a distress signal from a small island nearby; Zoro, left alone to guard the Sunny, was ambushed shortly after the rescue team had landed, the distress signal turning out to be a trap left by the enemy crew to leave the ship unguarded. 

Even with the trap, this wasn’t a particularly surprising situation, and Zoro naturally far outmatched the idiots who crossed over onto the Sunny, dispatching them in short order; the rescue crew offering assistance of their own once they caught wise of the trap, despite the distance between them and the ship. Usopp and Franky fired at the enemy ship from the beach, aiming to sink it, while Luffy recklessly flung himself across the distance and crash-landed on the enemy deck, taking out the crew in massive swathes. The job was essentially done. 

What neither the attacking crew, nor the Straw-hats had been ready for was the Sea King that emerged beneath the other ship like the Kraken, crushing its hull and sinking it — with Luffy still on board.

While the rest of the crew returned as fast as they could, the long-range fighters attempting to stop the Sea King, Zoro naturally dived in after Luffy, acting on instinct, catching him before he was lost in the wreckage. Unable to fight underwater while holding his captain, though, Zoro’d been left unable to defend himself against an enraged thrash of the Sea King’s claws, leaving a large gash across his stomach.

The others managed to finish off the sea monster just as Zoro resurfaced, gasping for air, and Robin sprouted hands off Sunny’s side like barnacles that reached out to pull Luffy, and then Zoro, out of the water and up to the deck.

Everyone accounted for, and Zoro treated by Chopper, they’d continued, the incident quickly forgotten by most of the crew; but not Zoro. Zoro’s angry. Restless. Zoro only knows how to sit still if it’s his own choice; when others are telling him to rest, it’s like he’s hard-wired not to. It’s alarming, really, how much reverse psychology seemed to impact Zoro given his apparent maturity; Usopp supposes he’s just a contrarian by nature, always having to go against the grain. He was stubborn that way.

As it turned out, Usopp’s instincts were correct — Zoro was indeed in the crow’s nest, sat cross-legged by the far window, shirtless; one hand crossed over his bandaged torso like he was nursing a bellyache. He doesn’t turn around as Usopp makes himself known with a sigh, climbing up through the trapdoor and walking over to him.

“You okay?”

“I’m fine,” Zoro grumbles, through gritted teeth. 

“Chopper doesn’t think so.”

“Chopper’s just being overdramatic. As usual.”

Usopp sighs again, taking a seat beside Zoro. The whole crew’s pretty well-accustomed by now to Zoro’s abysmal response to being wounded, but it’s still a pain in the ass having to deal with it up close. Arguing with Zoro was like arguing with a brick wall at the best of times.

“Zoro—”

“We’re fighting Kaido not long from now. You think we can afford for things like this to happen?”

“Zoro, you’re not weak. It was just an unlucky combination of things that happened at the same time. It’s not like a Sea King is gonna interrupt our battle with Kaido, right?” Tentatively Usopp squeezes at Zoro’s bicep, hoping to be comforting. 

“You don’t get it.” Zoro bats Usopp’s hand away from his shoulder. “We can’t  _ have  _ slip-ups at this stage. I can’t.”

_ Oh, so that’s what this is.  _

“Zoro, accidents happen. It’s not a grand indicator of where we are as a crew.” Zoro looks put out by this, ready to raise another defense, but Usopp stops him with a stern look. “If you tripped over tomorrow, flat on your face — and don’t argue it couldn’t, because I’ve seen it happen — and there  _ just  _ so happened to be a sharp little rock  _ right  _ where your face landed, and it took out your other eye, would that make you weak?” 

“What does that have to do with anything?”

“Right,” Usopp says, “It wouldn’t, it’d just be incredibly unlucky. It wouldn’t mean you lost your other eye because you weren’t strong enough, it’d just mean that you tripped. Like I said, accidents happen. And it sucks, and there’s no reason for it, but sometimes people just lose their eyes.”

“Why do you keep talking about me losing my other eye like it’s a given?”

“It could happen. Probably won’t, but it could.” 

“Thanks. This has made me feel a whole lot better.”

“You’re welcome.” Usopp gives him a grin, like he was hoping it’d wipe the scowl off Zoro’s face. “Luckily, that didn’t happen, you just got slashed and you’ll be fine in a week or so. And you’ll have another cool scar to show for it. But if you keep being stubborn, you’ll just make this whole thing last longer, and that’s agony for everyone, plus it makes Chopper worry. So could you just go back to the sick bay and get better already?”

“Hell, fine,” Zoro groans, exasperated, and gets to his feet with a grunt; Usopp rises with him, helping him up. “If it means you stop lecturing me.”

“Oh, no promises there. I’m gonna visit.” 

“Shut up.” Zoro storms off toward the trapdoor, but Usopp rushes in front of him, pulling it up so Zoro didn’t attempt to open it himself. 

“Madame,” Usopp says in a suave voice, gesturing to the ladder the same way Sanji did when he opened doors for the girls. Zoro just groans in annoyance, heading down two rungs at a time.  _ Heh-heh, nice, Usopp. Sent him packing. You’re welcome, Chopper! _

Usopp pauses halfway down the ladder to watch Zoro as he crossed the deck, climbed the stairs and knocked on Chopper’s door, almost sheepishly, feeling a small smile pull the corners of his mouth in some odd burst of affection. Despite how irritating and bossy and downright frightening Zoro could be, there were sometimes these small moments where the swordsman was very endearing, in his stubbornness or his innate need to wander off and get lost; sweet, almost. He was like a child, sometimes, in a way that made you shake your head as if to say to another unseen adult,  _ what _ are  _ we going to do with him?  _ It almost made Usopp feel protective.

The truth is that Usopp sort of likes it when Zoro is ill or injured. Not out of any sadistic tendency; it was because Usopp liked having an opportunity to care for people. He liked being in a place where he could be responsible, where he felt he could be a little stronger for the other person, for once; sitting bedside and bringing them tea, or something to read. It made him feel a little better about himself, in all honesty. And for Zoro, who was normally so invulnerable, so hard to read, surrounded by so many walls; perhaps it nursed some tiny hope in Usopp, too, that he might get to know the other a little better, that he might find something brilliant under all those layers of toughness that made Usopp want to stay. Maybe that was sick of him.

But, it was comfortable. It felt like second nature. 

Usopp had spent most of his childhood taking care of his dying mother, returning home to her each day, mopping her brow, talking to her while she was out cold; it alarmed him to think that similar situations could make him feel anything but upset and worried. It alarmed him that he could think positively in this situation, when day-to-day, he felt crushed by his own pessimism.

Just one more twisted, maladapted thing about him, he supposed. Usopp shakes the thought from his mind, and descends the ladder. 

***

_ Accidents happen. It doesn’t mean you’re weak. _

Zoro turns those words over and over in his mind, for want of anything else to do. He’s been drifting in and out of sleep blending the days together, Chopper dropping in occasionally to change his bandages or give him painkillers; he tries to be asleep for those visits. He can’t stand the feeling, truthfully. He can’t stand being indisposed, having someone’s shadow looming over him. Having pitying hands making him better. All it made him feel was worthless. 

Zoro knows about accidents better than anyone. About bad luck. About pointless misfortune. Kuina’s death had been the most pointless thing he could imagine; all that light and power, all those dreams and ambitions, everything she’d given to him and the people around her, snuffed out because of a misplaced step. She’d dreaded growing into a woman, and yet even that experience she’d been denied. 

This kind of thing could happen to any of them, a misplaced step, a rabid Sea King, a second too long in the water. Any of them could disappear without a moment’s notice. It wasn’t a productive cycle of thought; this was the kind of thing that wound Usopp into knots and ate away at portions of him, that endless spiral of worry — Zoro saw that up close on the regular. So ordinarily, he put it from his mind; he didn’t waste time worrying about what-ifs. He’d torn himself once into pieces, when Kuina had died; he’d asked every question he could think of, thought himself into dead ends, wished for some alternate reality. But the only reality he had was the one where she had slipped and died. After he finally accepted that, Zoro stopped wondering about things. 

But he supposes, giving it thought, that it does come out in other ways. He has to watch over his friends, oversee rather than participate. He has to be the strongest. He has to always, always be better, be getting better; he’s never  _ done,  _ never satisfied with where he is. It was a fruitless subconscious drive, that constant striving for greater heights; Zoro knows better than anyone that no amount of strength made a person invulnerable to bad luck. But Zoro believes in fighting fate. Luffy had found accord with him on that. Luffy understood it where no one else did. 

Luffy didn’t push him, either, because he understood; where others fussed and worried, Luffy would just laugh, and jump on board; he never forced things on Zoro he didn’t want. They were so similar in that way that even thinking about it hurt. 

Luffy didn’t need anything to be different about him. 

Zoro rolls onto his other side aggressively, and shoves his face into the pillow, cursing. 

He lies agitated in the dark for maybe an hour, trying and failing several times to go back to sleep. Guessing from the sky outside, it’s the evening, so most of the crew would probably be heading to bed soon; idly, Zoro toys with the idea of sneaking out, but decides against it. Attempting to train now would, admittedly, be pretty stupid; last time he’d snuck out, he’d tried some weights before Usopp had found him, and the results were less than ideal. Chopper must’ve scolded him for about an hour before finally leaving him alone.

There’s a small knock on the door;  _ Chopper.  _ Zoro pretends to be asleep, closing his eyes and burying his face a little deeper into the crook of his arm. 

“Hey,” Usopp’s voice comes tentatively as he steps into the room, the door clicking shut behind him. “You awake?”

Zoro makes no response, breathing, praying Usopp would go. No such luck. Usopp sighs, and there’s the sound of him pulling up a chair, sitting, and the clink of some crockery that he tries his best to set down quietly. 

“I brought you some onigiri and tea,” Usopp says, sounding tired. “I was going to bring booze, but Chopper said you couldn’t have any on your painkillers, so… sorry. It’s barley tea, though, so maybe it’ll taste a bit like beer… um, as much as tea can, anyway. I guess it’ll be cold by the time you wake up?” A feeble, quiet laugh. Zoro can’t fathom why Usopp is talking to him, but he stays quiet.

“I was going to pretend to drink it myself,” Usopp continues lightly. “So then you could grab it out of my hand, and maybe that’d make you feel better… uh.” He sighs. “Sorry. I used to be better at this. One-sided talking, I mean. Now it just feels awkward.” 

Zoro’s chest falls a little; he doesn’t know why.

“Guess that’s your fault. You could stand to talk more, y’know. I never know if you’re okay or not. ‘Cause if you’re not, I’d want to try and do something about it. But if I don’t know, I’m just stuck feeling confused. And I don’t know if I annoy you when I try. Though I guess that’s my fault, because look, apparently I can only be honest with you when you’re asleep…” He trails off. The room’s quiet but for Zoro’s laboured breathing and the ticking of the clock; after a few moments, there’s another sigh.

“Anyway… sorry. Sleep well.” Usopp gets up, his footsteps quietly creaking towards the door. 

Zoro feels an odd tension, and realises he’s holding his breath, debating. 

“Usopp,” he says quietly, before he can stop himself. Usopp jumps, whipping around, spluttering; Zoro doesn’t need to be facing him to know he’s gone a dark pink.

“You were awake this whole time?! How much did you hear? You— why didn’t you say anything—”

Zoro cuts him off, turning over to face him.

“Stop trying to help me.”

Usopp stutters, then his brow creases, his face evidently cycling through several different emotions at once; shock, despair, anger, hurt. Zoro feels it too, but like always, he bats it back down, and stands his ground. 

“...Why? Why won’t you  _ let me  _ help you?”

“Because it makes me feel weak. I’m not a baby. For the past week, you’ve been coming in, bringing me things, trying to help me around, telling me jokes… whatever you’re trying to do, I don’t need it.”

“What?! I’m not— I’m not treating you that way! I’m just trying to—”

“I know you are. And you’re being honest with me, so I’m being honest with you, and telling you to stop trying.”

“You’re so— God, I don’t get you! Being taken care of doesn’t mean you’re weak or being pitied! And even if it did, why is that so awful? You’re my friend, I care about you! I’m trying to make you feel better! Why wouldn’t you want that?”

“I don’t need it.”

“That’s not why I’m trying to help you! I know you don’t need help, I know you can do just fine by yourself. I’ve seen you walk around and fight with a massive gash on your chest! I’ve seen you shoulder just about every type of hurt in the world and still act like you’re fine! I just don’t get why you  _ have  _ to! No one doubts you or thinks you’re weak, so you sitting there with a gaping wound, refusing help, insisting you don’t feel a thing, it’s just— it’s the stupidest thing ever!”

This has all been a long time coming, Zoro knows. He’s seen it flicker in Usopp’s eyes every time Zoro brushes him off, or is deliberately obtuse; he’s watched it mount, been waiting for something to snap. He always tests limits.

Zoro is harsh and cold like a cutting wind, and he shows no tenderness, and expects none in return. Tenderness makes him feel weak. Being loved and shown gentleness and mercy make him feel weak and sick and disrespected. Usopp shows endless softness and craves endless softness in return. It doesn’t work. They don’t work.

“I do what I have to. I am who I am, Usopp.” Then he feels it coming before he can stop it. “Luffy is fine with that. He doesn’t need me to change the way I act.”

“Okay, well, I’m not Luffy! Since you and Luffy are clearly made for each other, why are you with me at all? Why aren’t you with him?! Oh, right! It’s because you don’t know how to talk about your feelings!”

“Usopp. Get out.”

“Fine!”

“Fine.”

Sanji’s smoking on the deck when Usopp storms out, leaving Zoro to his brooding, biting at his thumb in frustration. It was stupid. The whole situation was stupid. The fact that he cares this much is stupid. 

“Everything okay?”

“Yeah, he’s just unbearable sometimes,” Usopp mutters. Sanji snorts.

“You’re telling me. Just don’t bother with that guy, he’s an asshole—” 

Usopp curses, walking straight past a baffled Sanji to the dorms, and turns away before anyone can see him cry. 

***

Chopper discharges Zoro almost a week later, advising him to take it easy but nothing else. Usopp hasn’t visited since their fight, spending most of his time holed up in his workshop with Franky, avoiding being alone with Zoro at any cost. Eventually Zoro corners him, the next time Usopp takes watch; Usopp doesn’t react to the sound, sitting stony-faced, determined to ignore Zoro until the last.

“Hey,” he grunts, and takes a seat.

“Shouldn’t you be sleeping?” Usopp says pointedly. 

“I’m better now, thanks.”

“Don’t care. Didn’t ask.”

Zoro smirks in spite of himself, and nudges Usopp with his elbow. 

“I thought real men didn’t hold grudges.”

“I’m not holding a grudge. I’m just mad at you.”

Zoro sighs, and shifts along, giving Usopp a little more space. “Usopp, I’m sorry. For pushing you away.”

Usopp glances at him sideways, but looks doubtful.

“Are you, really? Or do you just want things to go back to normal, now that you feel better?”

“Can it not be both?”

“No! If you’re going to be all nice now only to go distant and clam up next time you feel worthless, I’m not interested! I feel worthless all the time, I don’t go around making it everyone else’s problem.”

“I mean...” Zoro starts.

“You know what I mean. And that was two years ago, with mitigating circumstances, if you’re gonna throw it in my face. You’re not really selling this. But if you want to rehash that fight, fine, let’s go. I’m mad at you already.”

Zoro sighs, scratching the back of his head idly. This wasn’t going how he planned.

“Alright,” he says suddenly. “You wanted to know more about me, yeah? My friend died, when I was a kid.”

Usopp pauses, his scowl faltering a little, and he turns to face Zoro properly in surprise. Zoro keeps going.

“Kuina. She was stronger than me. I could never, never beat her, and it was a good thing. She made me want to be better. She was my goal. We decided on our dream together, that one of us would be the greatest swordsman in the world, when we grew up. But, not long after, she slipped on the stairs one day, and she died. She was gone, just like that, for no reason. That’s it. In the morning she was there, and when I came home, she was gone.” 

Usopp bites his lip, looking conflicted; sad.

“So now you hate feeling weak and without control, and you’re scared of accidents.”

“I guess so.” 

Usopp sighs, and leans his chin on one hand, any residual anger seemingly dissipated; they’re quiet a little while, Usopp digesting the information. 

“Thanks for telling me,” he says at last, quietly. “And… I’m sorry. About your friend.”

“It was a long time ago.”

“Yeah, I know. But still. And I’m… sorry for yelling at you. And being pushy.”

“It’s okay. I get it.” 

“And for… saying that thing about Luffy.”

“Yeah, well. You were right, I don’t like talking about my feelings. I suck at it.”

“Ohh.” Usopp makes an odd noise. “Say that again.”

“I don’t like talking about my feelings.”

“No, no, not that, the first bit.”

“‘Yeah, well’?”

“No!” 

“‘I suck at it’?”

Usopp lunges over, punching him on the arm.

“You’re such an asshole.” 

“Yeah. I’m fine with that.”

“Well, I’m not.”

Zoro chuckles. “You’re still here, aren’t you?”

“Not for much longer, if you keep this up,” Usopp grumbles.

“You were right,” Zoro says, patting his shoulder, and Usopp giggles.

“ _ Oh. _ ” __

“Don’t get used to it, I’m never saying it again.”

“Once is good enough for me.” Usopp leans over and kisses him quickly, chastely. “Maybe now you’ll finally have the balls to go tell Luffy how you feel, and you can be his problem instead.”

“Maybe. But I’m okay with waiting a little longer,” Zoro says, and kisses him back. 

Zoro was like a wild animal, Usopp supposed. It had taken time for him to trust. To admit he was wounded. You couldn’t force the care; you could only offer it up, and wait for him to come to you. He wasn’t like Usopp, who wanted to be chased. Zoro wanted to do these things on his own terms, at his own pace. If you pushed him too much, he’d never trust you. 

“Man,” Usopp says, breaking off for air. “We really are the worst match ever.”

“Yeah. But it’s teaching us some things.”

“You think?”

“Yeah. This whole thing.”

“Maybe.” Usopp sighs. “We’re just so… like, we’re opposites. I’m surprised you hate Sanji and not me.”

Zoro smirks. “You feel too much, I don’t feel enough?”

“We talked about this, you  _ do  _ have feelings. You’re just god-awful at expressing them.”

“Well, good thing I’m sleeping with God, then.”

“Okay, first of all, you know calling me God does things to me, so don’t joke. Second, bold of you to assume we’re sleeping together.”

“Aren’t we?” 

“Well, yes, we are, but it’s bad to assume. We did have a fight.” 

“Don’t have to get along to sleep together. I think we’ve already proved that.” 

“ _ I  _ do. That kind of thing is important to me, I can’t do emotionally distant sex. Or emotionally distant anything, really.”

“I knew you’d fall in love with me,” Zoro jokes, clicking his tongue. 

“Shut up! You know what I mean.”

“Yeah, yeah. Friends.”

“I do love you, I think,” Usopp says thoughtfully. “A bit. But I’m not  _ in  _ love with you. You know?”

“Yeah,” Zoro says, smiling. “I get it.”

Usopp sighs, and leans against him. “I missed this,” he says, sounding forlorn. “You’re intolerable when you’re hurt, y’know.”

“ _ You’re  _ intolerable when I’m hurt.”

“Here’s to being intolerable when Zoro’s hurt, then,” Usopp says, raising an invisible bottle.

“Cheers.”

Then Zoro leans in to kiss Usopp again, just as Usopp does the same, and they lean back; Zoro pinning Usopp against the log bench, Usopp’s arms going up around his neck. Then as Zoro starts to move down to Usopp’s jaw, Usopp catches himself, thumping Zoro on the back and making him splutter.

“We agreed after that one time, never on the deck!”

“It’ll be fine,” Zoro growls, recovering, hands going to Usopp’s collar.

“It will  _ not  _ be fine—” Usopp hisses, but they both fall silent when they hear footsteps, and then the cabin door creaking open. 

“Usopp? You out here?”

“Shit!” Usopp whispers. “Sanji’s watch— go! Go hide!”

“ _ Hide _ ? Where am I supposed to hide?”

Usopp kicks Zoro around the corner out of the light just as Sanji steps onto the lawn deck, lighting a cigarette.

“Hey,” he says, keeping his voice down. “It’s my shift, so you go get some sleep.” He pauses, taking in Usopp’s ruffled appearance. “You okay?” 

“Oh, um, yeah, fine,” he says quickly. “Was just, uh, practicing some moves. Got out of hand. I suck at karate, you know me. Anyway, good night—”

Sanji squints at the corner of the cabin, behind which Zoro was hiding.

“Hey, what’s…? Is someone on the—”

Usopp opens his mouth to speak but Sanji’s already moving like a blur, turned the corner and slammed Zoro against the wall, before realising who it was.

“Oh, it’s  _ you, _ ” he says, letting go. “Why are you sneaking around?”

“Zoro just went for a shit,” Usopp says quickly, and Zoro shoots him a withering look before nodding.

“Yeah. I was shitting. Problem with that?” 

Sanji just grimaces and turns away with a groan, too tired to get mad. “Whatever. Go to bed.”

They do so, Usopp scurrying back to the dorms like a rat, tidying his shirt collar, Zoro following with one last pointed glare at Sanji, and Usopp hurriedly shuts the door behind them.

“You had to say I was shitting?” Zoro asks.

“You think he saw us?” Usopp whispers, ignoring the gripe. 

“Nah. Relax.” He pats Usopp’s shoulder reassuringly, and walks towards his bunk, yawning. 

***

Zoro feels better than he has in weeks. The morning is crisp and cool, the air not fully warmed yet by the rising sun, and he stretches like a cat out on the deck; his wound seems almost completely healed when he checks it, the pain faded to little more than a dull ache. It’s odd for him to feel like he cares what anyone else thinks about him, but things being back to normal with Usopp feels like a weight off his chest, an axe that had been hanging over him ever since their fight; day after day, turning it over in his mind as he lay in the infirmary. Chopper had asked him again about depression, and Zoro had answered:  _ I think I might be.  _ It wasn’t a lot, but it felt like a step forward. 

For now, Zoro’s just excited to actually use his body again, and makes a beeline for the gym before breakfast.  _ Take it easy,  _ Chopper’s voice rang. He’d do his best, but no promises.

A patter of footsteps break his thought trail as he makes his way up the deck stairs, quickening behind him.

“Hey, asshole.” 

The footsteps are speeding up, and before Zoro knows it Sanji’s fist is in his robe collar and shoving him against the side of the cabin. Zoro doesn’t react, rolling his eyes.

“We have to stop meeting like this,” he says, in the exact tone of voice he knows infuriates Sanji. 

“Shut up. What the hell are you playing at?”

“Playing at?”

“Don’t act dumb. I saw you and Usopp last night, it doesn’t take a genius to figure it out.”

Oh. There went that. 

“Yeah, and what? Tch. Get the hell off me.” Zoro reacts at last, grabbing Sanji’s wrist and shoving it away, shaking himself off like he’s touched something dirty. 

“‘And what?’ That’s how we’re gonna do this?”

“Since I don’t know what your damn problem is, yeah, it is.”

“I’m asking you what the hell you think you’re doing with him.”

“ _ We’re _ having fun. Not that it’s any of your business. Unless you have some  _ other _ problem with it, in which case, you can go ahead and say it right now, and we’ll see what happens.”

“Not that,” Sanji says angrily, with a sharp exhale of smoke through his teeth. “You’re messing with him.”

“I’m messing with him,” Zoro repeats flatly. 

“Yeah. You’re hung up on Luffy, and you can’t have what you want, so you’re taking that shit out on someone else.” His voice is impatient, demanding. It’d be touching, this poor attempt at shovel talk, were it not accusatory, wildly incorrect, and aimed at Zoro.  _ Usopp, the fuck do you see in this guy? _

Zoro knows what it’ll take with Luffy, now. The path’s open. He isn’t sure he’s ready to take it, yet, but he will when the time comes. Usopp has nothing to do with his feelings for Luffy, that much Zoro’s sure of — they’d been clear on that from the start, and last night it had really sunk in. Zoro cared. Through months of conflict, and work, and learning, Zoro had learned a different kind of love to the one most people wanted, the one that was built from the ground up, the one that had nothing to do with instinct or desire. Something less than ideal but solid. Something Sanji had no fucking clue about. 

“You didn’t want to say any of this last night?”

“I didn’t want to embarrass him. Nice save with the shitting story, by the way.”

“Shut up.”

“You shut up. Answer the question.” 

“Guessing it’s easier for you to jump to stupid conclusions rather than take into account what Usopp feels, yeah? Because he’s so weak and naive, he can’t make decisions on his own?”

“Shut up,” Sanji snarls. “I’m looking out for him.”

Zoro’s eye glints dangerously.

“Are you?”  _ Jealous bastard. Go on, get mad. Say something you’ll regret. _ “What, you think he and I aren’t friends? You think he’s in fucking danger?”

“I think,” Sanji says through gritted teeth, “that you’re gonna fuck him over, and I’m not gonna let you.”

It takes a lot of Zoro’s composure not to actually laugh in Sanji’s face, because that’s  _ rich _ . Instead, he manages somehow to hold it in, biting the inside of his cheek, and lets his face twist into a snarl, nostrils lifting to bare his canines. 

“If either of us is fucking him over, it sure as hell isn’t me,” he says finally, coldly, and lets Sanji stew in that, stalking away. 

Usopp finds him after breakfast, offering to take over the washing up from Sanji, and cueing Zoro to join him.

“I saw you two arguing earlier,” he says quietly, once they’re alone. “Did he— was it…?” 

“He doesn’t know,” Zoro reassures him. “He thought he was onto something, but we had a fight, and I think he forgot all about it.”

“Oh,” Usopp says, visibly relieved, his face sinking into a weary smile. “Thank fuck for that.”

Usopp had helped Zoro feel less hopeless about Luffy in pointing out what he was doing wrong; it seemed only fair Zoro try and return the favour in some way. He doubted Sanji would say anything, gutless as he was, at least not until things turned a corner for him. Better not to give Usopp false hope or make him anxious. But if it made Sanji sit and think twice about what he was doing with Usopp, and maybe force him to confront a thing or two about himself, it would be well worth the lie. 

_ The lie _ , Zoro thinks. He lied for someone else’s sake.

That’s new. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lots of confrontation this chapter..!! also i'm adding zolu and sanuso to the tags, since they are technically being explored even if they're not really the focus of the fic. also luffy finally showed up but he's. really really hard for me to write so i hope i did okay. normally i keep him off-screen to avoid any fuck ups but hopefully it reads alright. i think there's probably only one or maybe two chapters to go, so thank you for sticking with me this long !!

As it happens, Zoro’s epic, altruistic lie of the century is rendered meaningless within a matter of days after he’s told it, and in the worst imaginable way, during one of their midnight rendezvous in Usopp’s workshop.

“What,  _ again _ ?”

Zoro shrugs, then flips Usopp with ease onto his back against the pillows again. “I can go.”

“Hey, no fair,” Usopp pouts, looking up at him irritably, about as threatening as a squirrel. “You can’t just chuck me about willy-nilly like—“

“Shush,” Zoro interrupts, and Usopp gulps, flushing a deep pink, obeying.

Sure, he loved to protest, complain, act indignant, but Usopp turned to putty as soon as he was reminded of his own weakness. He liked it. In bed, Zoro thinks, is the only place where Usopp doesn’t have to pretend to be something he’s not. 

“You’re really scary sometimes,” Usopp mumbles, hiding his mouth under the blanket. “Never thought I’d think that was hot.”

“Yeah? Why?” Eye glinting dangerously, Zoro leans over Usopp, hands braced either side of his head, blocking the light. “‘Cause you know that whatever I choose to do, you wouldn’t be able to stop me if you tried?”

Usopp giggles nervously, bringing the blanket higher up his face to cover his nose too. “Okay, I have to warn you that you saying that stuff  _ massively _ turns me on.” 

“I know,” Zoro grins, tugging the blanket away, and pulls Usopp’s arms up over his head, pinning both wrists with one of his hands. 

“Is there a point to that?” Usopp asks, like he’s bored. Zoro frowns.

“What?”

“You did just say I’m powerless to do anything anyway, it’s not like I’m going anywhere.”

“Stop being obtuse, you’re spoiling it.”

“Oh, sor-ry. Next time just shove a sock in my mouth.”

“I might if you keep this up.”

Usopp giggles, pretending to struggle whilst shifting his position more comfortably under Zoro; then, abruptly, he stops, his eyes going past the side of Zoro’s head to the ceiling. 

“Oh my god,” he croaks. Questioning, Zoro looks up, following Usopp’s line of sight, to see the hatch to the deck wide open, and Luffy looming over it, his face warped in a certain expression of glee that, on their captain, struck deep fear into every member of the Straw-hats.

“Hey, guys,” he says, frighteningly bug-eyed. “What’re you doing?”

“I thought I locked it,” Zoro mutters, at the same time as Usopp tries to spin:

“Wrestling. We’re wrestling!” He makes a show of wriggling about. “Ah! Help! He got me!”

“Why are you both naked?”

Zoro claps his hand over Usopp’s mouth before he can say anything else, which Usopp seems relieved by.

“I’m sorry, Luffy,” Zoro says seriously. “I should be on watch. I’ll come up in a moment.”

“Heh.” Luffy rests his face on his elbows. “Yeah, you totally should, we’re getting close to Dressrosa. You’re so stupid, Zoro.” 

“Yep. By the way, there’s a present for you on the lawn deck.” 

“Huh? Really?” Luffy glances over his shoulder, then back down the hatch. “Is it meat?”

“Go and see.”

“Okay!”

Luffy runs off, leaving a clear square of night sky above them. Zoro doesn’t waste a second to pull on his clothes, throwing Usopp’s shirt at his head while he steps into his own boots, hopping on one foot. Usopp’s slower to respond, pulling his shirt down off his face as he sits up, brows scrunched together in concern.

“Zoro, you… really think we can cover this up?”

“I don’t. I’m just going to do damage control.” Zoro tightens his obi forcefully, swords clicking together. Usopp looks down sadly.

“I’m sorry he found out,” he says.

“It’s not your fault.” Stepping briskly around the sheets, Zoro leans down and presses a very quick kiss to Usopp’s forehead. “I’m going to talk to him. Give me some time.”

“O-okay…”

While Usopp sits shell-shocked, processing, Zoro nods and hurriedly scales the ladder three rungs at a time, just as an annoyed whine comes from the deck above.

“Zoro, you liar! There’s nothing here!”

Zoro pulls himself up onto the deck with a huff, and kicks the hatch shut behind him, hopping the rails and jumping down to the lawn deck. 

“I know. Sorry.”

Luffy puffs his cheeks out, looking disgruntled, and makes a dissatisfied noise. “You made me hungry.”

“Usopp told me the code to the pantry, it’s 4286. Will that make up for it?”

Luffy’s scowl dissipates, and he nods excitedly. Zoro exhales, relieved, and takes a seat on one of the log benches. Luffy follows suit, sitting on his hands, and looks at him expectantly, the whites of his eyes in full view.

“So you and Usopp are fucking, huh?” he asks, voice typically nonchalant. Zoro winces.

“I should’ve told you,” he says, head bowed. “I’m sorry.”

Luffy just blinks at him, gormless, and makes a small, confused noise.

“Huh? Why? I don’t care.”

Zoro stares. “You… don’t?”

Luffy shrugs and leans back, kicking his feet together. “Nah, it’s cool. Funny, though.”

“...Funny? How?” 

Luffy gives him a knowing look, then smirks childishly, and fails to suppress a snort. “I dunno, just… you two…” He makes a crude gesture, snickering. “Sex is just funny.”

Zoro sighs, but can’t help but smirk along as Luffy chuckles, amusing himself with the thought.

“It’s not serious,” he explains, once the moment’s passed. “It’s just… something we’ve been doing. As friends.”

“On your night watches?” 

Zoro winces. “Yes.” 

Luffy whistles, tutting, but there’s no anger in it. “Wow. Zoro’s been playing hooky to get some nookie.” 

“Please don’t—” he starts, then gives up, because it’s impossible to be dignified around Luffy. He ducks his head, feeling himself go very red in the face, then looks back. “If you want me to stop, I will.”

“Hah? No way, no way, don’t stop if it’s making you happy. Both of you.” He pauses, cocking his head to the side. “Is it?”

“...It is, yeah.”

“Then, good! Don’t stop if you don’t wanna. I don’t care, I want my crew happy and getting along.” Then he grins mischievously again. “Getting along  _ real  _ good.” 

Zoro wants to groan, laugh along, but the seed of worry sprouting in his stomach stops him, puts him on high alert;  _ damage control.  _

“Luffy, it’s not— we’re not serious about it. I want you to know that. It’s just for fun.”

“I get it, Zoro.” Luffy peers at him. “Heh, hey. You’re talking so much. Usopp’s rubbing off on you.”

_ I guess he is,  _ Zoro thinks. “We’re better friends than we used to be.”

“Oh, I  _ bet _ .” Zoro opens his mouth to protest, to try and clarify further, worried that he’s not being taken seriously, but Luffy cuts him off before he can. “It’s not like it matters, right? We’re all nakama. It’s only sex, Zoro, I get it. I’m not worried, I wouldn’t be worried either way. You big prude.” 

Zoro pauses, scanning Luffy’s face for any traces of hesitation; but there is none, no judgement at all in those wide white eyes, and he lets himself exhale a tentative laugh.

“...Right, captain.”

Luffy meets him with that classic grin, laughing through his teeth, _ shishishi!  _ and it warms Zoro’s heart. 

“Can... can you keep this a secret?” It’s less a request than a genuine question, though a pointless one, since Luffy can’t and won’t keep secrets, but Zoro figures for Usopp’s sake he should at least try.

Luffy’s face screws up like he’s trying to shit, head lolling to the side.

“Hmmm... well, I  _ really  _ want to. Yeah, I’m gonna. Yep. Totally, your secret’s safe with me. I’m not gonna think about it at all, and nobody will suspect a thing.”

_ Yeah, he’s not gonna last a day. _ Zoro sighs, nodding his confirmation, and Luffy grins and gets to his feet, stretching his arms behind his head; preparing to leave.

Zoro stares at Luffy’s hand as it moves, returning to hang vacant by his side, and ideas flash through his mind, all of them the things he would comfortably do if it were Usopp near him right now; use his shoulder as an armrest, pull him closer, trap him against the wall, press his face into the crook of his neck. Zoro hadn’t fantasised about these things in some time, with the slight but deliberate distance he’d been curating between him and Luffy; now, with him close, the sea-salt smoke smell of him hanging in the night air, it seems to flood back. He wishes he could do these things like he’d practiced, things that with Usopp now felt like practically second nature; the comfortable intimacy of their relationship. Though he loves him, Zoro isn’t  _ in  _ love with Usopp, so he can touch him without worry.

He’s scared to touch Luffy. The feeling is so alien to him, so foreign, this sense of shrinking his physical presence. It felt so fragile, all of it.

Luffy walks through the world untouched, unfazed by the boundaries of people’s hearts, their control, their kingdoms. Luffy could walk through walls. Zoro had thought that he was like that, too, but in that moment he feels a sudden rush of sympathy for Usopp’s eternal cowardice, his constant insecurity about keeping up with their captain;  _ so, this is what it’s been like for you, all this time. Afraid to reach out and tell the truth.  _

Zoro had told himself it was out of duty that he kept his distance, but perhaps that wasn’t the whole truth, after all. He’s the meditative swordsman, training on a mountain, and he was standing beneath a dam as it broke. The water beat his back, a force that couldn’t see him, a force that forged its own path, uncaring if he could withstand the pressure or not. The dam breaks over and over in Zoro’s mind there in that period of contemplative silence between them. 

“Captain,” he says quietly. “I love you.”

Luffy doesn’t miss a beat, and grins back at him.

“Duh. I love you too, Zoro.” Then he cracks his head side to side, as if it were the most casual interaction they’d ever had. “Okay. I’m gonna go get some meat before I forget the code.”

“It’s 4286,” Zoro says bluntly, the words coming out odd, unnatural. “Don’t eat all of it.”

“Yep, yep, I know. Night, Zoro.”

And he goes, launching himself up to the second floor deck and out of sight. Zoro stares at the place where he’d been standing, feeling frozen, his heart in his throat and his crotch stirring. He’s sweating despite the cool night air, his skin clammy and uncomfortable under his kimono, his face burning hot. He buries it in his hands, digging his palms into his eyesockets until he sees odd lights behind his eyelids, and stays there for just a moment.

Zoro returns to the workshop like a hurricane ready to tear it to pieces; Usopp, faced away from the ladder, is lying half-dressed on his front in just his shirt and underwear, bare feet kicked up in the air, idly sketching in a notebook by the soft orange glow of the oil lamp. Zoro closes the distance in little time. 

“Hey, what did—“

Zoro crashes their faces together without warning, swallowing whatever question had been on Usopp’s lips, and kisses him furiously; with too much force to be particularly good, he knows that, but no one’s counting. Usopp is stunned stiff for a moment, eyes wide and arms hovering awkwardly in the air. When Zoro exhales through his nose sharply, and pulls Usopp closer, arms wrapping firmly about his torso, Usopp yields, melting back into the kiss with a bemused smile twisting his lips under Zoro’s.

“Not that it wasn’t hot, but what was that for?”

Zoro just shakes his head, pulling off his kimono.

“Undress.”

Usopp frowns, though his fingers hesitantly go to start unbuttoning his shirt. 

“Okay, but— hey, are you...? Zoro, what’s going on?”

“Please.” Zoro stops, his back turned to Usopp, hands shaking on the cloth. “I just— I need to—“ 

There’s the sound of Usopp pushing his notebook away and scrambling to his feet, stepping softly closer, and placing a tentative hand on Zoro’s shoulder in concern. 

“I need this. I need— something.” The words come out hotly and undignified, more desperate than he’d been hoping, and less coherent. The idea had been to charge in and sweep Usopp off his feet before he could start to talk, get all the feelings out of his system, the lust and the hurt and the need to be close to someone. He feels frozen. He isn’t crying. He’s certain he isn’t crying.

Usopp steps around him, crouching a little as he looks up to try and get a better view of Zoro’s expression; moving slowly, like he’s approaching something wild. Then he reaches his other hand up, slowly, to stroke Zoro’s cheek, thumb brushing at the skin lightly, and reaches up ever so slightly on his tiptoes to press a kiss to the corner of his mouth. The hand on his shoulder shifts, too, fingers working gently into the dips in Zoro’s muscles in a way that feels comfortingly familiar.

“Okay,” he says gently once he breaks away, and moves Zoro’s hands away to finish undressing him himself, more deftly and assuredly than Zoro had been; Zoro stands still and hunched pathetically, gladly letting Usopp take the reins. It feels odd, to not resist for once. He doesn’t think he could if he tried.

“What do you want? Like this?” Usopp asks, getting down to his knees, and when Zoro nods weakly for lack of words Usopp pulls his hair free from its ponytail, and guides Zoro’s hands to it before starting to work at his cock, already half-hard since the moment with Luffy. Feeling weak and a little touched by the gesture, Zoro lets his hands sink into Usopp’s hair, careful not to do any damage as he strokes at it, and gathers it lightly in his palms to grip when Usopp puts his mouth on him and swallows him all the way, moving in uncharacteristic confidence. 

Usopp had this way of becoming incredibly capable and comforting when other people were incapacitated, for all his usual weakness and craving for attention; as if it were second nature, which given what Zoro knew about his past, it probably was. Usopp was an odd person, simultaneously both immature and mature, both helpless and knowledgeable; he was a high maintenance indoor plant left to grow in the wild unpruned. A log raft, drifted out to sea without a sail or a captain; he had grown up and found ways to float the best he knew how. Zoro, who had lived surrounded by teachers, rivals and role models, wonders if perhaps he hasn’t been giving Usopp enough credit for the person he was.

The thought is briefly put from his mind when Usopp tries a little too hard, and gags; Zoro pulls back then, guiding Usopp away by his hair until he’s recovered. 

“It’s okay,” Usopp says once his throat’s cleared, shaking his head dismissively, unembarrassed. He moves back in unison with his hand, changing his pace, before sucking lightly at the tip and pulling his lips away with a  _ pop _ . “Okay, sit.”

Wordlessly, Zoro does so, following Usopp to their makeshift bed and taking a seat as directed. Usopp steps either side of his thighs and kneels down in Zoro’s lap, one hand reaching down to guide Zoro into him, the other squeezing at his bicep gently, and sinks down onto him all at once, making Zoro shiver. 

“You good?”

Zoro manages the slightest of smiles, nodding, and Usopp places his hands either side of Zoro’s face and kisses him as he starts to move; Zoro’s arms slide up, slowly at first, then gaining in their force and certainty to grip tightly at Usopp’s back and down to his ass, drinking him in by touch, the other hand moving back up to his hair— reaching in to grasp at his skull, pull him closer, tighter. They rock together, Usopp’s movements becoming less controlled as he finds his rhythm, small, involuntary noises escaping the base of his throat despite his attempts to hold them in. Zoro isn’t sure what’s in the air tonight, but the sound just makes his blood pound harder, faster. Usopp breaks away from Zoro’s lips to kiss his scarred eye, then to his ear, tugging lightly on his earrings with his teeth. That move always gets him. 

Zoro feels a warm surge in the pit of his stomach, a heating coil, and gasps, bucking up into Usopp. He sinks his face into the crook of Usopp’s neck— arms clutching far, far too tightly around him, as if they were embracing for a goodbye— and comes with a strangled, guttural sound, pressed into Usopp’s sweat-slick collarbone. Usopp pants, and tries to keep moving, trying to make it last longer, better, but Zoro holds him down, flush against him, like he’s not ready to let go; chest heaving with each breath.

“Thank you,” he breathes, face still buried. Locked in place, Zoro’s arms crushingly tight around him, Usopp offers a weak laugh.

“Don’t thank me for sex, weirdo,” he jokes, panting, but Zoro doesn’t laugh; his arms just tighten around Usopp in a way that seems sad, insistent. So Usopp hugs him back, leaning his head sideways onto Zoro’s, one hand at the nape of his neck to lightly stroke through the spiky hair like he’s comforting a crying child, and doesn’t try to move until Zoro does. 

Eventually he pulls back, slipping out of Usopp, and smiles at him weakly. Then without warning he dives forward, flipping Usopp onto his back, and leans down to kiss him, one hand moving down to his clit to finish him off. 

“Zoro, you don’t have to,” Usopp protests lightly, but Zoro ignores him, and with a smirk pins his wrists back above his head, the same way they’d been before this diversion.

“Oh, I get it,” Usopp smirks back with a fond roll of his eyes, and Zoro covers his mouth with his own again, both of them smiling, and ravages him with his fingers til kingdom come; and Luffy is gone from his mind, just for a moment.

When they’re done, Zoro rolls off of Usopp and collapses beside him, breathing heavily; Usopp makes some small, satisfied noise and curls up, nestling into the swordsman’s side.

“Was that a happy fuck or a sad fuck?” he asks, eyes closed sleepily.

“I don’t know,” Zoro answers truthfully. His throat feels tight.

Usopp evidently catches onto this, because he shifts up, resting his chin on Zoro’s chest, eyebrows furrowed.

“Zoro, what happened?”

“I told him.”

Usopp frowns, confused. “You…?”

“I told him I loved him.” 

Usopp’s face falls in pre-emptive concern, his mouth dropping into a silent  _ ‘oh’ _ .

“And he said that he loved me, too.”

“That’s… good, right?”

“I don’t know. I don’t know if it was— I don’t know what he wants.” Agitated, Zoro blinks furiously. “I thought I understood him better than anyone, but I don’t.”

“Don’t be so hard on yourself,” Usopp says absently, rolling his head to rest on his cheek. “You still get him a hell of a lot more than any of us. He’s just… an enigma.” 

When Zoro says nothing, Usopp sighs, picking his words carefully. His finger idly draws a circle against Zoro’s sternum.

“You know… I think Luffy’s different from most people, in that he... doesn’t really differentiate that much between his relationships. Like, I think most of the time, he just… either likes someone or he doesn’t. And that’s kind of… it, y’know? But… there are two people who I think go beyond that, and that’s— was his brother, and you. And Nami. So if you’re scared he just sees you as one of his nakama, it’s… I mean, even if he does, you’re still… special to him. Everyone knows that. So I don’t think you need to worry. I really… I think that you’ll get there.”

Zoro exhales softly, slowly, moved by the sincerity, and draws his arm up to rest on Usopp’s shoulders.

“If there’s anything I can do to help…” Usopp continues, wavering.

“You’ve already helped,” Zoro says quietly, squeezing his shoulder. “Thank you.”

Usopp hums affirmatively, nestling closer, and they stay like that for a while. Zoro’s eye remains open, gaze fixed up at the low ceiling, and the hatch to the deck. 

“Usopp,” he murmurs, breaking the silence. “I lied to you.”

“Hm?”

“Sanji did work it out that night. He confronted me.”

Usopp lifts his head to meet Zoro’s eyes, then lets his gaze drop. “...Oh.” He sounds forlorn, though not angry. “Then, why did you say…?” 

“I thought you’d get anxious and spiral. I’m sorry.” 

“Oh,” he says again, digesting. Then he glances back up, a small spark of hope lighting his eyes. “How did he— I mean, what did he say?”

Zoro exhales a soft chuckle. “He was jealous.”

“Really?!”

“Jealous as shit.”

“Wow, um— huh.” Usopp’s face seems to cycle through several different emotions at once, his cheeks darkening slightly. “...Agh. I didn’t want to make him jealous, that wasn’t the plan.” 

“You didn’t do anything wrong.” Pause. “Also, he seems to think I’m going to attack you.” He opts to omit the accusations Sanji made regarding Luffy, not wanting to aggravate Usopp, but apparently it didn’t matter; Usopp’s nostrils flare, his shoulders hunching up.

“That is  _ so  _ typical of him! All this time he’s been giving me the cold shoulder, but as soon as I’m happy he thinks he’s going to be the big hero— and he didn’t even talk to  _ me  _ about it, he just went straight to you, like you’re in charge—  _ ugh— _ ”

“I kind of am in charge,” Zoro jokes, but Usopp slaps his chest lightly, having none of it.

“Shut up. God, he makes me so  _ mad  _ sometimes.” He sighs, sinking back down, irritated. Zoro pats his shoulder sympathetically.

“Well, at least he cares.”

“Ugh.” Usopp exhales sharply, calming himself down. “Well… thanks for trying. Or for telling me. I don’t know. I guess it doesn’t really matter, now that Luffy knows; everyone’s probably going to know by breakfast tomorrow.” He pauses, the thought just occurring to him. “Does Luffy…? What did you tell him?” 

“The truth,” Zoro replies honestly. “He was fine with it. I asked him to keep it quiet, but…”

“Yeah, fat chance of that,” Usopp agrees tiredly. “Thanks for trying.” 

“No problem.”

***

The others find out, as predicted, by breakfast the next morning, and it’s about as unbearable as both Zoro and Usopp had anticipated. Despite the crew’s collective effort to be discreet whilst together, there are shared looks across the breakfast table, Franky elbowing Usopp with a wink, Luffy looking deeply bummed out; Nami’s insufferable, shit-eating grin when she corners them outside the dining room hissing, _called it, I called it, I called it, I called it!_ _I called it and you kept it hidden! Luffy caught you! Luffy caught you fucking!_ The worst of them is Chopper, who just quietly asks Usopp to be safe, before Robin— sent from heaven— pulls him away and distracts him with sweets. 

Zoro and Usopp opt to keep their distance for the day, not enjoying the smug, knowing looks that flashed their way every time they were in the same room, and for the most part it seems effective; in the morning, the gossip was buzzing and insufferable; by lunch, the interest was petering out to little more than an interesting factoid. Sanji is the only one who doesn’t really react at all, keeping to himself and staying out of the conversation; most of the crew chalk this up to him throwing a tantrum over the significantly emptier pantry, and the rubbery kitchen pest responsible; he assigns Luffy to fishing duty for the day, in order to make up for what was lost, under threat of death. Luffy proceeded to ask Usopp to take the cooler of fish to Sanji, so he could prepare them fresh, pleading that he didn’t want to get yelled at again; so Usopp found himself nervously knocking on the kitchen door. 

“Hey, Sanji…? Uh, Luffy asked me to bring you these…”

“Just put them on the counter,” Sanji replies, not turning around from his work.

Usopp does as he’s told, hovering awkwardly before he goes; the tension in the air is thick.

“Um—” 

“Hey, did you tell Luffy the pantry code? I told you not to give it to him.”

Usopp winces. “Uh, I did tell Zoro for a one-time thing… he must’ve told him last night. I’m really sorry, I was super drunk. Probably don’t give me the code again...”

Sanji shakes his head, washing his hands, and wiping them off on his apron. His movements are jerky, agitated.

“Are you annoyed?”

“I can’t believe you’re going out with that oaf,” Sanji replies curtly. 

“We’re not going out, we’re just having fun. I am friends with him, y’know.”

“God knows why.”

“You’re really getting on my nerves, Sanji,” Usopp says, his voice unwavering, and it’s so quiet and dignified that it takes Sanji a moment to place it, a statement so unusual to be coming out of Usopp’s mouth. He blinks in surprise. Usopp’s never actually seemed properly annoyed at him before, it occurs to him in that moment; never in a way that implied he wasn’t going to put up with it.

“What?”

“Your  _ thing  _ against him. You’re so insistent on hating him. I don’t get it. He thinks you’re annoying, sure, but he doesn’t actually  _ hate  _ you. But you went behind my back and had a go at him, you’re acting weird and having that glowering look on your face, and I  _ get  _ that you don’t like him, but _ I _ do. And you haven’t really got a good reason, excluding this meat thing, so I don’t see how it’s fair for you to sit there and judge me and make me feel miserable when you won’t even talk about it.”

“What do you mean, I don’t have reasons? There are tons!”

“Yeah?” Usopp crosses his arms, unimpressed. “Go on, then.”

“Well, you’re— I mean, he’s an asshole. He’s screwing around with you.”

“And how the hell do you know that, Sanji?”

“I— look, you’ve just had a really rocky relationship with him in the past, and I for one know it caused you some trouble. And I still see you fighting now, getting upset, so… sometimes it seems like he doesn’t respect you.”

“So, what, you’re worried about me?”

Sanji pales. “What? No! No way!”

“You think I’m weak? Or stupid? Or desperate?”

“Of course not—“

“Well, even if I am, it doesn’t matter. It’s none of your business. We’re nakama, all of us. So if you can’t actually talk about it then quit being such an asshole.” Usopp pauses, his nostrils flared; his hands are clenched into fists, shoulders squared. “And for the record? I know Zoro and me have had some difficulties in the past, and you know what, we still do. I know how Zoro has hurt me  _ way  _ better than you do. If you’re going to act like I’m too pathetic to confront that, so you can do your goddamn white knight routine, then maybe it’s  _ you  _ who doesn’t respect me.”

Sanji looks thoroughly shocked by this whole conversation, and feebly lights a cigarette for want of something to occupy his hands. Usopp doesn’t talk to him like this. Usopp never talks to him like this, and it hurts something deep inside Sanji, something that feels untouched until now. Some vestigial organ that just now revealed its purpose.

“Usopp, where is this coming from?!”

“It’s been a long time coming.” 

“He’s rubbing off on you,” Sanji mutters, annoyed.

“Yeah? Well, if that means that I have the guts to come out and say when something’s pissing me off, instead of pretending I’m a-ok with the way you’ve been acting, then I’m fine with that. I’m happier.”

_ You’re colder, _ Sanji thinks. 

“You don’t seem it.”

“How would you know?”

“I—” Sanji starts, then sighs, glancing away. “Look, I don’t want to argue with you, Usopp. That isn’t what I was trying to do.”

Usopp chews his lip, still not particularly impressed, but he softens his tone to match Sanji’s.

“Sorry,” he says, hands clenched into fists, “But you can’t get upset just because I’m talking to you the way you talk to me.”

“I don’t talk to you like that!”

“Yeah, you do!” The moment of calm is passed, both tempers flared back up to maximum; Usopp throws his hands up in exasperation. “You’re always doing things aggressively! You can be so, so wonderful sometimes, kind and inspiring and thoughtful, and then— then it’s like you catch yourself, and you clam up! You act out in that stupid macho way, like you’re embarassed of being friends with me! It was a little funny at the beginning, sure, but now you’re always doing it, every time I hang out with you, or you help me in a fight, or— anything! All you ever do now is push me away! I mean, would it kill you to just be sincere once in a while? Or  _ talk  _ to me without doing your stupid girls-only routine?”

Sanji sucks on his cigarette, burning through a good half-centimeter of it. “What, like  _ Zoro  _ talks to you?”

“Yes! He does, actually!”

Usopp glances down, like he’s about to get embarrassed, or backtrack, the way he used to; instead he finds his nerve, and keeps going, meeting Sanji’s eyes.

“Yeah, Zoro’s an idiot, and yeah, it took some work, and he’s way too harsh sometimes, and sometimes he’s downright scary. And he’s inflexible, and bossy, and always has to play the tough guy, and he bottles shit up because he doesn’t want to trouble anyone. But you know what? I can actually tell him what I think, and he doesn’t get defensive, or clam up, or get embarrassed. He can be honest with himself. And when he’s nice to me, he doesn’t act like it was a mistake. And he laughs at my jokes. So, yeah, I can talk to him without being pushed away.”

Sanji’s just stunned silent for a moment or two, before catching up. 

“When did this even happen?! I mean, last I remember, you two were— you were on eggshells with each other! You were always on your guard around him! He made you insecure!”

“Yeah, well,” Usopp says quietly, bitterly. “I guess we found some things we had in common.”

Sanji’s quiet too, briefly, not knowing what to say.  _ Talk,  _ Reiju’s voice sounds in his head,  _ taaaalk.  _

“I don’t like this,” he says honestly. “I don’t like raising my voice at you. I’m sorry.”

“You raise your voice at me all the time, Sanji.”

“Not seriously.”

“It doesn’t matter. Maybe to you, it’s insignificant, but to me, it’s just periods of niceness followed by periods of coldness. And it leaves me confused, and conflicted, and for a long time it made me wonder if I did something wrong, if I said something or made you uncomfortable. And that really sucked, never knowing what reaction too much sincerity around you would get. And you know, it was Zoro who made me realise that actually— that’s just you.” Pause. The insecurity that’s so familiar on Usopp seems to creep back, wilting him, and something beats inside Sanji again. “I’m sorry if that hurts to hear, Sanji-kun. But the truth is, while you were dealing with your own feelings, you sort of hurt mine. At least when Zoro’s mean to me, it’s because of something I’ve done.”

Usopp leans back against the counter and looks at his feet, shoving his hands into his pockets; deflated, the hot air out. His last word hangs in the air like a pendulum, crashing into Sanji’s head again and again; silent, he takes a drag, exhales. Then sits down.

“You’re right,” he says at last, looking at the floor. “And I’m sorry. I… I didn’t really think about it. Those times. How they made you feel. It’s just— look, I… I get lost, sometimes. In my own head. And there are some things that I… I mean…”

“God, you suck at this.”

“I’m sorry. It’s just… it’s difficult. And—”

“Okay, okay, jeez,” Usopp says, making a  _ calm-down _ motion with his hands, and it’s familiar enough in its levity to quell some of the anguish that’s starting to brew in Sanji’s gut. “Enough already, this is painful to listen to.”

Sanji hangs his head, forlorn, and puffs on his cigarette.

“I get it,” Usopp says, softer. “You’re not ready to talk about some things yet.”

“That’s about the sum of it.”

“That’s fine,” Usopp hums, and it doesn’t sound like a lie. “I’m not going to push you. I know well enough by dealing with Zoro that pushing doesn’t work. But when you  _ do  _ want to talk, you know where to find me. I can wait.”

“‘Just don’t make me wait forever’?” Sanji offers, in a deeply pathetic attempt at humour. Usopp grimaces.

“Yeah, and maybe  _ don’t  _ learn how to talk to people from cheesy romance novels,” he scolds, with a light shake of his head, and straightens up away from the counter like he’s making to leave. Then a short, sharp exhale, and a smile. “You should practice on Zoro,” he says, and when Sanji pulls a face, he chuckles, and rolls his eyes.

“I mean it. You two are way,  _ way _ more similar than you seem to think. You probably just fight because you hate yourselves so much.”

“I do not—”

“Ah, ah, ah!” Usopp mimes zipping his mouth. “Save it. Let it marinate. ‘Kay?”

Sanji stutters, then pulls back. “...Okay.”

“Okay.” Usopp smiles, rocking on the balls of his feet. “See you later.”

He nods, Sanji nodding back slowly, and heads toward the door, taking one hand out of his pocket to reach for the handle.

“Usopp,” Sanji says suddenly, lowering his cigarette. Usopp stops. “I never… I never, ever wanted to make you feel bad about yourself. I’m sorry. I… look, if I’d known, if I’d thought about it...”

“I know,” Usopp says softly. “And I should’ve told you how I felt a long time ago, instead of letting resentment build up. I’m sorry I waited this long. I’ve been a coward for a really, really long time.”

“You’re not a coward.”

“Thanks, but I am. And I’m okay with that. I’m less of a coward now than I used to be.” Usopp looks back over his shoulder, and he’s grinning. “You can thank Zoro for that.”

“Give him my endless gratitude,” Sanji croons, and Usopp snorts.

“Give it to him yourself, dummy.”

Sanji chuckles, but says nothing, and Usopp opens the door, takes one step out, and stops, hesitating in the dark doorway.

“You’re the kindest person I’ve ever met, Sanji,” he says, quietly. “But be kinder to yourself. I think it’ll help.”

And he goes, his footsteps tapping lightly into quiet. Sanji doesn’t get started on dinner for a long time. 

***

Usopp is quiet the rest of the day, and takes his things to Franky’s workshop, sketching quietly in the corner while the cyborg worked; he felt talked out, which Franky seemed to intuit without much need to pry, offering the company in silence. Usopp normally drew machines, objects, landscapes; today he drew people, each expression new, some of them taking after his crewmates and some not. In his head he matches the expressions to his own moods as he ruminates on the day, on his conversation with Sanji, dissecting his feelings; he cycles through them, his face twisting into a scowl as he draws an enraged hybrid of Zoro and Robin, a small smile as he draws the same for a soft-looking girl. He follows after his thoughts, the intersection of each memory and the emotions it evoked, processing them one by one; assessing. Wondering if there was more to be said, if something had been inaccurate, if he’d missed any chances, if he’d done the right thing. If he’d been too harsh on Sanji.

Because the truth is that Usopp doesn’t completely trust Zoro. He trusts him not to try to hurt him, sure; but there is always going to be a part of him that remembers, however badly he wishes he could forget. There was always going to be that clash between them, despite how well the past few days had gone for them. But the company of someone you don’t completely trust is still preferable to being alone.

Usopp is good at talking himself down like this, finding the faults in anything good; he’s a perfectionist, sure as the end of his pencil erased a clump of lines for the third time, and he was in an imperfect relationship. Imperfect wasn’t the end of the world, though. Usopp was imperfect, and always would be. Everyone in the world was the same. The range of faces looking out at him from the paper seemed to tell him the same thing.

Zoro was strong, and made him feel safe, and in that respect he and Sanji were the same. Zoro wasn’t gentle like Sanji  _ would  _ be, though— that’s what Usopp had thought, when they’d started out. And, he’d thought— maybe that was a good thing. Usopp wasn’t sure how far his endless craving for gentleness had gotten him. Good things, for Usopp, only really seemed to come when they knocked him about a little, first; so, maybe that was what he wanted. Needed. Deserved.

But Zoro could be gentle, when he wanted to be. Usopp hadn’t expected it, not in that playing field; it had taken him by surprise, that consideration. It had almost felt underwhelming, in fact, insulting; _ is that it? All that posturing, and it turns out you’re just... nice? _

But those moments were rare, in truth, impossible to predict and never, never anticipated. Zoro’s mind was a complete mystery to Usopp, a language he didn’t speak, so he learns to treasure those times, those little glimpses into whatever was going on behind Zoro’s dark eyes, whatever shards of softness he sometimes let slip as if by mistake. They seem to level the distance that Usopp had always felt between them, the slight fear of Zoro’s emotions that he could never predict, of his anger, his disappointment. Zoro seemed less intimidating once you saw him like that. More familiar, unclouded; like he was finally seeing him properly, for the first time.

***

“Oi. Zoro.”

Sanji steps up the deck stairs slowly, as if not to startle Zoro, his hands in his pockets and a cigarette between his lips. Zoro gives him a cursory glance before looking back out to sea, taking a swig from a dark bottle of rum.

“You here to shove me again?”

Sanji winces, glancing down.

“...Yeah. I... look, I’m sorry.”

Zoro blinks, unfazed, keeping his eyes fixed out on the horizon. “You’re apologising to me?”

“Yeah, well,” Sanji mutters, flicking his lighter absently. “Usopp took me to school.”

Zoro laughs at that, like he was there for it, and Sanji feels an odd chill at the sound. At the idea that while he was looking away, they’d become closer to each other than he could match. Zoro takes another drink, exhaling.

“Well, you’re still a dick. But alright. I’ll take it.”

Sanji nods and steps forward, mirroring Zoro’s position, resting his elbows on the deck rail.

“You drinking alone out here?”

Zoro shrugs. “You’re smoking alone out here.”

“Ass.” Sanji pauses, hesitating, then wordlessly holds out his pack of smokes; a peace offering. Zoro snorts. 

“And ruin my lung capacity? No thanks.” 

Sanji rolls his eyes, taking another out for himself. “Fair enough.”

They’re quiet for a while, watching the waves in tolerable silence, as most of their positive interactions seemed to be. Zoro is typically unreadable, his gaze fixed on something that no one else seems able to see; closed off.

“I don’t get it,” Sanji says, tone neutral.

“Don’t get what? Laid?”

Sanji’s eye twitches in annoyance, but he lets it go. “You and him. I mean, you weren’t exactly close.”

Zoro gives him a wary look, his good eye half-lidded into a slit. “I’ve known him longer than you have.”

“Don’t be obtuse. You know what I mean.”

Zoro blinks slowly, letting his gaze return to the horizon, and he’s quiet for a long time; idly taking another sip of booze before he speaks. 

“What happened at Water Seven killed us dead in the water,” he says at last, voice low. “I thought, we had to start again from scratch. Ground up.” He upends the bottle, taking a last swig, and tosses it down into the sea. “You can’t build on a ruined foundation.”

Sanji glances at him, a spark of recognition flaring in his chest.

“Usopp says that,” he points out, remembering where he heard it.

“I know.”

More silence.

“But?”

“But what?”

Sanji looks away, ashing his cigarette over the side of the ship. “You said that’s what you thought.”

Zoro sighs, almost inaudibly, glancing down, and shrugs. “I don’t know. We didn’t start over, really. We just…” His hands move together, fingers lacing idly. “...Stitched it back together.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you all so much for comments on the previous chapters! i suck at replying but i read them all and they all make me really happy and really help with my motivation on this thing. thanks for reading!!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> final chapter! thanks for sticking with this thing through to the end. i'm sorry if any of this reads weirdly, full disclosure i've been awake foooor 24 hours and i really wanted to get this done today, so if there's any grammar mistakes or what have you i'll probably straighten them out when i'm not half dead. enjoy!

The headline: Sanji is gone. 

The run up to departure in the wake of the fight with Jack is chaotic; to Zoro it feels as though the crew barely see each other in anything more than glimpses, passing by Franky’s worksite carrying supplies, brief, transactional conversations; busied. Preparatory. No time to waste.

It’s only during the final briefing in the hours before they actually leave that Zoro feels like he actually has a chance to catch his breath, to think of things in anything other than intervals of ‘the next 30 minutes’; now, with everyone gathered, exhausted, faces a mixed bag of hopeful, determined and worried, he has an opportunity to let it all sink in. Luffy, the Minks’ representatives, Kin’emon and Law stand in the centre of the clearing, finalising the plan as leaders; Zoro isn’t really listening. He knows the outline well enough. Instead he finds himself watching Luffy, searching every inch of him like he’s trying to commit him to memory; remember him exactly the way he is, grinning, underestimating the enemy, headstrong, the center of attention. Zoro isn’t worried about him. But he is worried. 

He and Usopp had talked, before they’d arrived at Dressrosa. Zoro had, since the gut wrenching moment of confession that he’d rather not dwell on, been avoiding charged moments alone with Luffy; in the carnage of the fight against Doflamingo and his family there’d been little time to think of such things, but in the lulls, on Bartolomeo’s ship, the feeling had returned. Failure. Fear. 

Ships were such transient spaces. Liminal. They had a way of bringing out a pensive side of Zoro that once he wouldn’t have known existed. Back in Usopp’s workshop, Zoro had spoken at length about what transpired with Luffy, just once; turned it over and over in a trial of words until he barely knew how he felt about it any more, Usopp trying his blessed best to help, if fruitlessly. He had tried to be reassuring, as much as an eternal pessimist could be, for Zoro’s sake; unfortunately, Usopp rarely believed what he said, where Luffy never said anything he didn’t mean. It was hard for someone like Zoro to be comforted by the kind of things Usopp would think to say, the advice he’d try to give.

It was hard, but oddly, Zoro had been craving it over the past few days. 

The Usopp who’d attempted to be strong and dependable for him before they’d arrived at Dressrosa was miles away, now; at present he was trying so hard not to seem overly worried about Sanji that he seemed to have convinced himself of the fact. Instead, as it always did, the anxiety found other outlets; he dropped things, bit his nails, couldn’t stay focused on conversations. He was neurotic, a bundle of nerves and panic, and completely unable to give Zoro his attention. So: Luffy. Luffy who would be gone soon; Luffy, who Zoro might not see for months, years. It’s his problem, and one he needs to face alone, whatever the Usopp of one month ago might try to tell him.

There had been an impulse forming in Zoro’s mind during the journey to Zou, one that he never quite acted on;  _ confront him. Talk to him. Get it out. Hand in your weapons.  _ All things that Usopp might’ve said were he not preoccupied. Things that Zoro knew would have to be done at some point, and yet for whatever reason, there was never quite the right moment; always an invisible wall, someone interrupting, a problem on deck, a silence that lasted a second too long. 

The thing is, Zoro can’t afford to wait any more. He says something now, or never. 

He catches Luffy in the moments just as the meeting is adjourned and people begin to split off into their respective groups, a hand on his captain’s shoulder to pull him aside, a little ways off from the rest of the Whole Cake Island group. 

“Luffy,” he says, his voice low and urgent. “I need to know.”

Luffy cocks his head to the side, humming. “Know what?”

“The night you caught Usopp and I together— I told you something. You’re my captain, and the man who’ll be the pirate king. That will never change. But before we split up, Luffy, I—” 

Luffy blinks at him, face blank and questioning for a moment , before cracking slowly into a grin; then, a laugh, open-mouthed.

“Zoro, you’re so stupid,” he giggles, snorting. “I said I loved you, too, didn’t I?”

“What— well, yes, but the context was—“

“Hah?” Luffy peers at him, scratching his head mockingly in a way that makes Zoro flush a deep red. “Context? Man, you’ve been spending way too much time with Usopp. I always say what I mean, don’t I?”

Zoro blanches, considering that possibility. 

“Yeah— but then, you never brought it up again, and it seemed like you didn’t mean it in that way—”

Luffy blinks at him again, frowning. “Well, yeah. But we weren’t in a rush, right? I mean, you had Usopp naked below deck, I wasn’t gonna go making out with you. Don’t be a jerk, Zoro.” 

Zoro’s gut sinks, then quickly resurfaces when he realises Luffy’s messing with him.

“Unbelievable.”

“Heh. Idiot.”

“You’re something else,” Zoro scoffs after a moment, shaking his head fondly, and Luffy only responds with a wide sunbeam grin, and hugs him.

“You knew, right?” he says gently, and it’s in that low, low voice that he uses so rarely, barely above a whisper in the shell of Zoro’s ear. It sends a chill down his spine. “I don’t hide that stuff.”

“It’s impossible to tell with you,” Zoro returns weakly, his hand brushing against the small of Luffy’s back. He smells of sea salt and burning.

“I think you knew.” 

Zoro says nothing, his heart beating like a drum.

“We can talk about it when we’re all together again,” Luffy says as he pulls away, and Zoro’s skin seems to chase the feel of his hands as they leave him. Pause, and then, more lightly: “If  _ talking  _ is your thing now, heh.”

Zoro stares at him a moment longer, then nods, trying to process all the emotions that were blooming in his chest, overwhelmed. Luffy’s always operating on some unmarred psychological level far above him and ten steps ahead, and so he just grins at Zoro’s frozen expression,  _ shi-shi-shi.  _ He flashes a peace sign, then uses it to poke Zoro’s chest affectionately.

“I’ll see you in Wano when I’ve got Sanji back,” he says, and his voice is so assured, gentle, that any shred of doubt Zoro might’ve housed vanishes then and there like dew under the hot sun. “Take good care of Usopp and the others for me while I’m gone, vice-captain.”

“Yes, captain.”

Luffy leaves him with a smile and a nod, turning to go.

“Luffy, I—”

Luffy turns back in surprise, silhouette dark against the low sun.

“Yeah?”

_ I love you. I love you. _

“...Give ‘em hell.” 

A grin, wide and confident. 

“I’ll see you soon,” Luffy says, and then he’s gone.

***

Days and nights in the Polar Tang blend together. They haven’t been guests on a ship since Bartolomeo had taken them to Zou, but even then, there’d been more for them to do; the crew had been incompetent, the ship and journey average. In a submarine nothing was how the Straw-hats were used to, and Law’s crew, despite being incredibly laid-back, were quite firmly handling everything, leaving their guests twiddling their thumbs, devoid of purpose. 

It also didn’t help that the Polar Tang was a pigsty. Robin’s first cutting words on setting foot inside:  _ what is that smell?,  _ a question that had ominously gone unanswered, and was no more obvious even after two weeks had gone by. The Wano group of the Straw-hats had become intimately acquainted with many other charms of the Heart Pirates’ vessel besides the odd smell; roaches that the crew was seemingly fond of, damp green patches on the walls, dirty shards of broken glass half-heartedly swept into corners or underneath moth-eaten rugs, suction-packed organs of unknown origin in the fridge next to cartons of milk and crates of vegetables labelled  _ DO NOT TOUCH,  _ and most disconcertingly, blood stains and rusty medical equipment forgotten in conspicuous places. Usopp’s anxiety had also spiked to new heights ever since, on their first night, he mistakenly walked into the morgue thinking it was a bathroom, and found Penguin and Shachi doing a moonlight postmortem; when he’d ran back shrieking, Law had offered a half-hearted apology, with an absent remark that he needed to label rooms better. (When Franky asked why they kept a stock of cadavers on their ship, Law had given some worryingly vague answer about how  _ it’s good to have spares. _ Robin, conversely, had asked if she could watch next time they did an autopsy.)

Naturally, Zoro and Usopp pass the time with sex; Zoro was stir-crazy from the submarine’s lack of a gym or any kind of open area with enough room for him to train in or use his swords, and itched for any kind of physical activity that he could do in the cramped space they had. Usopp meanwhile was a ball of high-strung nervous energy, working himself into knots panicking over anything from the state of the Sanji rescue mission to a particularly unsettling stain he’d found on his pillow, and was in dire need of both distraction and relief from the tension that he tirelessly generated. 

The seedy, rank vibe of the submarine, while unpleasant to live in, did thankfully lower whatever feelings of guilt or reservations they might’ve had about having sex on a normal crew’s ship; the Heart Pirates, on the other hand, seemed to care so little for the sanctity of their home that they actually encouraged it. In the first few days, Usopp had tried more than once to clean up, make the place a little less hazardous for his own comfort, only to give up when some of Law’s crewmates had settled onto a nearby couch to spectate, and started a drinking game based on Usopp’s noises of disgust; when Usopp finally snapped and yelled at them, kicking over his mop bucket, they’d whooped and cheered. One of them had tried and failed to convince him to relax, insisting that the mess just made the place feel homey, while some of the others had started jokingly calling Usopp  _ Mom. _ He stopped trying to clean after that. Zoro, meanwhile, had absent-mindedly squashed a cockroach that had crawled out of his beer mug one night, only to be furiously chewed out by the only female member of the crew, Ikkaku, who informed him that he’d murdered her favorite cockroach, and cost her 20,000 berries in underground bug-fight bets.  _ Another Nami,  _ Zoro thinks.

Franky and Robin, for their part, are far more comfortable on the ship than Zoro or Usopp; Robin’s morbid sensibilities and dark sense of humor make her incredibly popular with the Heart Pirates, and Franky is too taken with learning about the craft and details of deep-sea vessels to be particularly bothered by the cramped space or mess. Without similar reasons to enjoy the journey, plus Zoro’s introversion and Usopp generally being too creeped out and worried to enjoy socialising, they don’t settle in quite as well; and so in the weeks that pass they end up spending most of their time together, as if to chase after some sense of normalcy, the feeling of being on the Sunny, being home. 

They lie together afterwards in the dark, a dim blue light filtering through, and talk. They’ve been talking a lot, too, as a result of all this; more than they’d used to, back before Dressrosa, when things had been more clandestine. 

“You’re quiet,” Zoro murmurs, his breath warm against Usopp’s neck. They’re lying on their sides, spooning on an old mattress that they found in a storage cupboard of medical supplies; it’s become their usual spot, since it has a small latch on the door, though it probably wouldn’t matter if it didn’t. The Heart Pirates all seem to know Zoro and Usopp are fucking, and none seem to mind, given several pairs amongst them are all quite comfortable sitting on each other’s laps or making out in the kitchen when everyone’s had a few drinks. 

“Just thinking about stuff,” Usopp breathes. “You know me.”

“You want to share?”

“You’re gonna hate me for it,” he mumbles. 

“Try me.”

Usopp sighs; arms shifting, he starts to fidget with a coil of his hair, pulling it taut and then letting it spring up again.

“Just… they went after Sanji when he left. And Luffy was… like, there wasn’t an ounce of hesitation. Y’know?”

Zoro pauses, watching the muscles in Usopp’s shoulders shift as he fidgets, and idly traces a line along one. They don’t talk about when Usopp left often, for obvious reasons; not explicitly, anyway. He’s not sure where it’s going to go. 

“Well, you chose to leave,” he says, measured. “We don’t really know what’s going on with that idiot. Something about marriage. They’re going to find out, remember?”

“I know, I know. I don’t think Sanji would leave because he wanted to. I don’t think he’s gonna leave for real.” Usopp pauses, hesitant. “It’s just— even when Luffy thought he left for himself, before Nami told us about what happened properly, he said he was gonna convince him to come back. And he’d have his wife on the ship, too, if that’s what it took. Because the thought of him leaving just… isn’t even an option.”

“Usopp,” Zoro says quietly.

“I know. I know! It’s small and petty and bitter of me. And I know you’re on Luffy’s side. And I know none of this is Sanji’s fault. And I’m worried about him. You don’t have to tell me.” Usopp viciously rubs at his eyes with his forearm. Crying again, then.

“I wasn’t going to say that,” Zoro murmurs. “The circumstances are just different.”

“Sanji’s indispensable, I know. He’s— he’s the cook, and he’s still one of our strongest fighters. He takes care of everyone and protects everyone and saves people, and I just— my only job is offense, but I’m still the weakest member of the crew. And I don’t bring anything else. I get it why Luffy wouldn’t be set back by me leaving like he would by Sanji, honest.”

Zoro just eyes Usopp, who’s abandoned fidgeting with his hair to curl up a little, hiding his face in his arms. He keeps going, his voice still small, like he’s confessing a sin.

“And I know the circumstances are different, and it’s not fair for me to compare them. But I just keep thinking— I mean, his reaction didn’t change after Nami told us everything. There was a bit where Luffy thought he’d really left over a woman, but he was still saying we had to go get him back. And I agree! I’d agree no matter what. But it just… makes me remember.”

“Remember?”

“Yeah. Back when— he told me to leave.” Usopp sucks in a breath through his teeth. “I know I’m the one who made the decision, and he just shouted it in anger. But it was… scary. It was like I was hearing him finally say it. What he’d been thinking all along. What I’d been worrying about.”

Zoro digests this, his gaze idly fixed on a mole on Usopp’s back. “You’re upset with Luffy?”

“Well— no. I don’t know. Not really. I think I’m just… jealous. Or confused. And when I get confused or unsure I always start thinking of the worst option, so…”

“Are you upset with me?”

Usopp blinks and shifts, lifting his head to look over his shoulder at Zoro. He looks surprised. 

“No?”

“I mean if you’re upset about that. Because I think I was angrier than he was, back then.”

“Y-yeah, I know. But… you’re consistent.”

Zoro blinks at him questioningly, eyebrow raised. Usopp gives a brief smile, remembering.

“Yeah, like… well, you reacted like you always do. ‘Cause Sanji said in his note that he’d be back, so you said you didn’t know what the fuss was about, and we should just leave him to it. And I mean, I didn’t agree, but that’s just you. It made sense, ‘cause that’s how you are with everyone.” A pause, his smile fading as he rests his head back against the mattress. “But with Luffy, it just… felt different. He wasn’t mad, or annoyed, or anything, just… worried. Determined. So I was watching him go off about how he was gonna bring Sanji back, and if he wanted to get married for real, then he could bring his wife to join the crew, too, and… I don’t know. I was just thinking… if it was me, would he be the same? Sometimes I just… can’t tell. So I think about that, and that makes me think about what happened at Water 7, and that makes me think about… all the stuff I feel sometimes. About being weak, and useless, and a burden. So I get like this.”

Zoro exhales, considering.

“Yeah, well.” He reaches out idly, brushing an errant strand of hair at the nape of Usopp’s neck so it went in the same direction as the rest of it. “If it makes you feel any better, sometimes I can’t tell what he’s thinking, either.” Zoro pauses. “But… Luffy has changed, y’know. He isn’t the same person he was back then. None of us are.”

“Sometimes I feel like I am,” Usopp mumbles. “Even after all that training, it just feels like I can’t do anything worth remembering. Anything that makes me indispensable.” 

“You saved all those slaves,” Zoro points out. “They worshipped you for it, remember. Built a statue.”

“They thought I was a hero. Even this stupid bounty, I— I didn’t  _ do _ anything, no one gets it. I just got my ass kicked, like usual. It was just luck. I was going to run away.”

“You didn’t.”

Usopp ignores him. “It’s only because my face is so weird and my opponent was a sheltered little girl,” he persists. “All my wins are like that. I only beat Perona because— I barely even tried, I was just me. I just said some miserable stuff and scared her, that’s not the same thing as strength.”

“She talked about you a lot, you know,” Zoro says. “About how she couldn’t believe her power didn’t work on you. She used it on me a couple of times to prove it, when we started arguing. Didn’t you take, like, three of those things in a row?”

“That’s just my personality. It’s not really a win.”

Zoro sighs, closing his good eye, weary. “Usopp, I thought we’d been over this.”

“So did I! I just can’t stop thinking about—”

“Usopp,” Zoro warns. “I’m not gonna do this. I’ve said my piece. If you don’t wanna take it, that’s on you, but you know I don’t lie. I can’t talk you through this like you want.”

Usopp really hates when Zoro does this. Because it’s fair, and it makes sense, and that’s everything Usopp isn’t.

Zoro will tell him not to go, and stay at the fault line, leaving the choice in his hands. Usopp doesn’t want a choice. He wants to run, and be chased, and dragged back by his hair. He wants other people to love him so he doesn’t have to.

“I know,” he says quietly. 

They lie in silence for a few moments, breathing together. It’s probably close to 1am by now, but the Heart Pirates are night owls, so there’s the faint sound of some glasses clinking in the kitchen down the hall, distant voices. Zoro sighs heavily, and leans in closer, hand sliding down over Usopp’s hip.

“Do you want me to take your mind off it?” he asks, transactional. 

“You can’t just stick your fingers in me and expect that to make things better,” Usopp says dully, not moving. Zoro sighs again, abandoning the thought and returning to his previous position.

“I don’t know what else I can do, Usopp. Is there something else you want?”

“I don’t know,” Usopp murmurs. “If I knew, I’d tell you. I really would.”

More silence. Periodical sighs. 

“I don’t get you,” Zoro says after a moment. “You love being praised. You never shut up about how great you are. But if I tell you you’re important to us you cover your ears.”

“I don’t get it either,” Usopp says, sounding distant. “Sometimes I feel like I’d do anything for a compliment. But sometimes they just make me feel sick. Like I want to cry.”

“Why?”

“Because I never agree with them. They’re wrong.”

“It’s like you spend half your time begging people to see how great you are, and as soon as they start to, you immediately try to convince them you’re worthless.”

“I’d feel bad otherwise,” Usopp says.

“For what?”

“For lying to them.”

Zoro sighs. 

There’s a cloud that hangs over Usopp, sometimes, makes the air so heavy they can’t breathe. In times past, whenever Zoro felt it coming, he’d turn tail and leave until it was safe to return; that’s not an option any more, but even so, the weight hurts. The powerlessness hurts. Zoro can’t stand to be reminded that there’s nothing he can do.

Usopp’s not done. “For pretending to be something I’m not. Everything about me is fake. I’m inauthentic.”

“Usopp,” Zoro says, tired, but not unkindly. “This isn’t getting us anywhere. I can’t listen to much more of this.”

“So shut me up, then.”

Zoro glances at Usopp, who’s looked over his shoulder again. He looks defiant, daring.

“You just said you didn’t want to.”

Usopp just shrugs, nonchalant.

_ You’re trying to get me to chase you again. I’m not going to chase you. I’m tired. _

“No,” Zoro says. “Not when you’re like this. I’d just be giving you ammunition.”

“I love ammunition,” Usopp jokes weakly. It’s a poor effort, more of a knee jerk response than an indicator of his mood. 

Zoro sighs, and without warning, he wraps his arms around Usopp’s middle, pulling him back tight against his chest. It’s warm, firm against Usopp’s back. His mouth opens a little in surprise, and he goes slack in Zoro’s arms, like he’s playing dead.

“Just sleep,” Zoro murmurs.

A pause, and then: “Okay.”

***

Usopp’s already up when Zoro stirs from his sleep the next morning, his arms curling in slowly, like he’s noticing there’s something missing. He glances around blearily, his gaze landing on the source of the noise, Usopp pulling his clothes on with a vengeance, like there’s something to prove.

“You’re up,” he observes, yawning.

“Uh-huh.”

Zoro watches him sleepily a few moments more before giving in, stretching like a cat and propping himself up on his elbows, one hand running through his mussed hair.

“Why’re you up?”

“I’m going to clean. I seriously can’t live like this.”

“You’re going to clean?” Zoro stares, like he’s not sure he heard correctly. “You hate cleaning.”

“I know! That’s what this has driven me to! If I don’t, they sure as hell aren’t gonna.”

“I thought you liked mess. Your workshop is a tip.”

“Yeah, but like, that’s my mess. It has an order to it. Plus, it’s just tools and materials and stuff, I know where everything is. This is just... squalor.”

Zoro blinks at him, his head following Usopp as he steps around the small room, picking up scattered possessions. “All right,” he says eventually, and yawns again. “Happy hunting. Go get ‘em.” 

“Thanks,” Usopp says, and then hesitates, his hand on the door latch; he glances back at Zoro, flopping back onto the mattress, and pauses for just a moment, considering. Then he steps back, dives down, and gives Zoro a quick, chaste kiss. 

“Yuck, morning breath.” 

“You’re the one who kissed me,” Zoro mumbles, lazily amused; he’s too lethargic to reciprocate properly to Usopp’s ad-hoc affection, but his hand comes up to run along the back of Usopp’s head and neck as he dips and rises, his hand warm from the covers. Usopp smiles, watches him a moment, then gets back to his feet and goes, closing the door to the cupboard behind him. 

Usopp has been on edge for much of the trip. The primary source of the anxiety attacks initially were when Law recounted in savage detail how much pressure a submarine faced, what not to do, what not to touch under any circumstances or they’d all die horrible, watery deaths. A couple of encounters with sea kings that threatened the submarine’s structure, forcing them to resurface for maintenance, hadn’t helped; any reminder of how deep underwater they were had set him off, running Zoro’s nerves thin. 

Of course, it was more than that. It was everything. The thousands of gallons of water threatening to crush them, held at bay only by a few thin sheets of steel and insulation, was simply the most immediate threat. 

Usopp’s anxiety was often like this. Born by something he couldn’t touch, couldn’t put a face on. His mother’s sickness. His own incapability. Sanji’s disappearance. His mind took those formless things that kept him awake and tried to identify them, ill-fitting, in the form of other things; a large wave on the horizon, a dangerous animal, a dark forest. It stuffed his fears into the things around him and warped them, like mess swept under a carpet. The lumps showed. The lumps always showed.

It would explain why during the second sea king attack crashing against the side of the Polar Tang, Usopp had instinctively screeched  _ Kaido. _

_ Sometimes I feel like I’m crazy,  _ Usopp had said to Zoro quietly at one point, and Zoro had laughed softly.

_ You are crazy. You’re batshit crazy. _

_ That’s not very nice. _

_ If you want someone to lie to you, you’re talking to the wrong guy.  _

_ This is the part where you say that it’s okay that I’m crazy, ‘cause you’re not, and you’ll protect me. _

_...Well, I’d still like it if you were a little less crazy. But yeah. That’s more or less it. _

Usopp isn’t keen on giving Zoro the satisfaction of being okay the next day, usually. Because Zoro had an annoying tendency of avoiding arguments by telling Usopp to sleep it off, that it’d be better in the morning, and that meant whatever Usopp said in the night wasn’t being taken seriously.

But the truth is, it usually was better in the morning.

Not fixed, obviously. Usopp has problems in his personality that he doesn’t think will ever really go away; things he can’t imagine not being. But there are times when they get him down, and there are times when he’s fine with them. Zoro wasn’t particularly nurturing, or delicate, or even kind, most times; but still, he had a way about him, the way that could make any situation seem normal. Livable. Zoro could get comfortable anywhere, migratory as he was. Usopp was rarely ever comfortable, and when he was it took him a lot of persuading to leave, but somehow, Zoro made it easier. Zoro was like a shelter in and of himself, resting his head anywhere without worry; and if Zoro was fine with something, it felt a little less daunting to Usopp, too. He supposed that was called trust. 

He rolls up his sleeves, and kicks the door to the kitchen open. Three of Law’s crew are lighting a large glass pipe around the table.

“Hey, Mom’s here!”

“Take your drugs and get out,” Usopp orders. “I’m cleaning your horrible kitchen.”

***

Zoro doesn’t sleep.

Months ago— though it feels like years, now— back, back before they’d barely begun their travels in the New World, before they’d even reached Fishman Island, Zoro remembers the first time he’d thought his and Usopp’s relationship might be turning a corner. 

Before setting sail from Sabaody, they’d had several long, good days and nights to themselves as a crew, catching up, regaling each other with stories of their exploits in the time they were apart, drinking, making merry; the things they used to do after a battle. Because it had been a battle, really, their separation; the hardest one yet. 

And Usopp, of course, had regaled them all with long, dramatic, well-told stories, the kind of things you heard in legends and kid’s books, all plants with teeth and gargantuan bugs, the same sorts of things he’d been raving about since the day they met him. No one had believed him, obviously, though they enjoyed listening all the same, laughing along; but as things came to a close and the others dismissed him, cuing his typical protests,  _ it’s true, it really happened!  _ Zoro came to notice that Usopp wasn’t doing his usual tirades any more, the time-wasting streams of bullshit that used to come out of his mouth like second nature; in fact, other than the ridiculous stories about the islands he landed on, Zoro had barely noticed Usopp tell even one of his usual lies. 

Here was the thing: Zoro had thought a lot about Merry, in the time that he was apart from his crew. With little else to discuss but training, Zoro had turned that conflict over and over in his mind, and he had thought about his role in the crew, as a vice captain, as an enforcer. Usopp had been out of line, that much was true— but the thing is, Zoro remembered the night it had started, on Skypeia; though it had seemed insignificant back then. He remembered it down to the paltry detail of Usopp asking him fearfully to stand watch while he took a piss. If they had taken what Usopp said he saw on faith, investigated it— there were endless  _ if _ tangents that Zoro had caught himself wandering down just in time. There was no point thinking about ways to change the past. What there was a point in was learning from past mistakes to prevent future ones, and Zoro regards what happened at Water 7 as one giant, crew-wide mistake. The book had been closed on that discussion when they left that godforsaken island, but it stayed in Zoro’s head, turning. 

Trust was earned. It was a two way street. Give and take. But for the sake of keeping the crew whole, Zoro wondered: could they afford dismissal? Could a crewmates’ concerns be ignored based on a chance they weren’t legitimate? Uncharacteristically, Zoro analysed. For the sake of the crew’s integrity. For the sake of their strength as a band of pirates.

These were all ideas that had lain dormant in Zoro’s mind since the reunion and idled in the days they spent reconnecting with one another, reacquainting themselves with the real people they’d promised to share their dreams with, and not the memory-constructions of them they’d built in one another’s absence. Things that Zoro hadn’t spared another thought until the first night that Usopp woke up drenched in cold sweat like a man possessed, and then again, two hours later; and then again. 

Zoro was an inconsistent sleeper, always had been, and in days past he’d always been the resident insomniac, the go-to night watchman. So it was him that knew the sleeping patterns of the others best, knew Luffy’s bizarre sleep talking, knew how many times a night Sanji reached out for a hand to hold, knew the patterns of Usopp’s dreaming. And it was him that bore sole witness, in those first nights back, to Usopp’s genuinely disturbed sleep pattern, two hours apiece, three times a night; each time waking in a panic and a survivalistic rush before he realised his surroundings, processed, and tried to go back to sleep.

After two nights of this, he’d given up on his attempts to return to normal; after the first awakening he’d get out of his hammock and go up to the deck, where Zoro was usually sat with a bottle of some booze or other, and they’d keep each other company. Make small talk. 

_ So, an island that tried to eat you, huh? _

_ It had biorhythms,  _ Usopp had explained.  _ Every couple hours, things would rotate, and at dawn it closed its petals to feed. So if you weren’t keeping track of the time, uh… _

_ Dinner. _

_ Yeah. _

Pause. 

_ Wait, so… you believe me? _

_ Shouldn’t I? _

_ No, no, I’m happy! It’s just— sorry, hah. I’m just… surprised that you would, of all people. _

Zoro had glanced at him sideways, one eyebrow quirked in intrigue, but said nothing.

Eventually, Usopp’s biological clock adjusted to the lack of bi-hourly mortal danger, and allowed him to sleep for longer than two hours at a time; four, then six. Zoro hadn’t thought much of their nightly insomniac chats at the time, but he found himself missing them, once they stopped.

Funny, to think that Usopp had earned back Zoro’s trust with something as accidental as that.

***

The submarine surfaces just as the afternoon starts to shift into evening, and the sky is a warm orange when they break the water, the sun beginning its descent into the horizon; in the far distance, Wano’s just visible, mountains so thin on the skyline they could be a mirage. They’ll arrive soon.

Usopp volunteers to fish, as he usually did whenever the Polar Tang would surface for maintenance; on the Sunny, Usopp had done the most fishing, so Zoro supposed it made sense. Any semblance of home.

Zoro waits until the Heart Pirates have had their fill of fresh air and headed back to their stations before he climbs back up the hatch; Usopp’s sat with his back to Zoro on the far end of the lower deck, legs dangling through the rails; his feet are bare, his boots neatly settled nearby.

“Can we talk?”

Usopp nods attentively, pulling his headphones down to his neck, and Zoro sits beside him, mirroring his posture.

“What’s up?”

“I made a decision.” Zoro inhales slow and deep, interlacing his fingers, unlacing them again. “When we reach land… we’ll be busy. We’ll all probably have to split up, to keep inconspicuous.”

Usopp nods sadly, his gaze lowering; he seems to know where it’s going.

“And in my last conversation with Luffy, I… he told me he felt the same. So when I see him again, I—”

“I get it.” Usopp gives him a weak but honest smile, and puts a hand on his shoulder softly. “That’s great, Zoro.”

“Thanks.” He touches Usopp’s hand with his own, and watches it as it trails back down to rest between them. “You’re okay?”

“Huh? Yeah.” Usopp smiles, and shrugs bashfully. “Time’s probably right to call it a day on this thing, right? It went on longer than I thought it would, anyway.”

“...Yeah.” Zoro pauses, then glances down at Usopp when he’s quiet. “What’re you going to do?”  _ About Sanji  _ goes unspoken.

“I don’t know,” Usopp says quietly. I don’t think there’s anything I can do. I love him. I guess we’ll see when we’re all together again, but... I don’t think he’s ever going to change. Or... be ‘ready’. Whatever you wanna call it.” He sighs a self-deprecating sort of chuckle. “Maybe it’s time I should try to just move on.”

“I’ll talk to him.”

A silence, and then Usopp lets out a burst of laughter, which he promptly tries to stifle with his hand.

“You’ll  _ talk  _ to him?” Usopp giggles. “Who  _ are  _ you?”

“Your best friend, apparently.”

Usopp blinks, digesting, his mirth dissipating from the surprise. The knowledge had been there for some time, but hearing it said out loud was another matter. “Huh,” he says flatly. “Weird.”

“Weird?” Zoro raises his eyebrows. Usopp stares into space a moment longer, then shrugs, grin returning.

“I dunno. Just thinking about it.” He laughs, weakly. “Like, when did that happen, right?”

“Sometime in between the fifth or sixth fuck, I think.”

“Whoa, was that a joke?!”

“Well, don’t shine a spotlight on it. It’ll wilt.”

“Like your dick?”

“You just  _ have  _ to outdo me, don’t you?”

“I’m the funny one around here, man.”

Usopp sticks out his tongue childishly, Zoro shaking his head in fond chagrin, and the quiet that follows is comfortable. Zoro wonders when that happened, too, when the silences stopped being awkward, when they stopped tip-toeing around each other; when the snipping back-and-forth became natural and lighthearted rather than a crutch, their substitute for sincere conversation. It all seems to crest at last like a wave to shore, like orgasm, how far they’d come; looking back to where they’d begun. Walking on eggshells around one another, unable to communicate. A language barrier. 

“Hey,” Zoro says suddenly. “Thanks.” 

Usopp blinks at him. “For what?”

“This. The past few months. They’ve… they’ve helped.”

Casually he throws one arm around Usopp’s neck and shoulder, leaning down sideways to press a quick, chaste kiss to his forehead. 

“Ew. What the hell?” 

Zoro frowns in confusion. “What? Aren’t you always complaining that I don’t show affection?”

Usopp pulls a face, squirming. “I mean, yeah, but like, out of nowhere? No warning? Spontaneous? Yuck. You’re like Sanji.”

Zoro goes very red. “I am not like— I’m nothing like that shitty— wouldn’t that be a good thing for you, anyway?!”

Usopp snickers softly, patting Zoro on the back like he was a toddler having a tantrum. “I never wanted you to be Sanji, man. You’re Zoro. Don’t want you to be anyone else.” Then he gives Zoro a sideways glance, smirking irritatingly. “What, would you rather I was like Luffy? Picking my nose, and... shoving pork chops down my pants for later?”

“What?”

“I saw him do it once, man.”

Zoro shudders at the image, then sucks his teeth.

“Tch.”

“Aw, don’t sulk.” Usopp leans over to kiss his cheek in return. “Thank you, too. I’m happy for you.”

“You’re not depressed? Scared of being alone? Jealous?”

“Don’t load the question, I’m always all of those things, all the time. Jeez. I’m trying to be less clingy, man, I thought you’d be happy.” Usopp peers at him sideways, a bemused smirk pulling his lips. “What, you’re disappointed? You wanted to break my heart?”

“No.”

Usopp just looks at him.

“No! I was just… geared up for a worse reaction. I don’t know.”

“Oh,  _ Zoro-kun, please  _ don’t leave me! We can be happy together, I know I could never be Luffy but—”

“Agh, shut up.”

“Yeah. Doesn’t feel good, right?”

“Not really.”

“I can keep going, if you want.”

“Don’t, you’re too good at it. You’ll guilt me into staying.”

“Oh, so the plan worked!”

“You’re bluffing.”

“Am I?”

“Shut up.” 

Usopp chuckles, but complies, letting it go.

“Best friends, huh?” He smiles, shaking his head. “Nami’s gonna be jealous.”

“Well, serves her right. This whole thing was her idea.” 

“Yeah, but to make the  _ others  _ jealous.”

“Play with fire, get burned.” Zoro snorts softly, and glances over to catch Usopp’s smile— or so he was expecting, but he stops, because Usopp’s crying, wiping at his eyes with his wristband, his breaths hitched. “Oi, oi, what’s— hey, are—”

“I’m okay,” Usopp interrupts quickly, shaking his head and waving his free hand. “I’m okay, I’m okay. I’m sorry, I just—” his voice catches again on a shuddering exhale, a restrained sob as he tries and fails to compose himself. Zoro watches him patiently, folding his hands in his lap; he debates putting an arm around him, but opts to wait until he’s recovered enough to speak.

“Sorry,” Usopp says again once he’s found some stability, wiping at his face. “I’m sorry. It’s all just— it’s a lot, you know? S-Sanji, and  _ this _ whole thing, and my new bounty, and fighting Kaido, and sneaking into the country, and— sorry, I… everything’s just...” He laughs weakly in between his sobs, shuddering, a barely-held-together mess of emotion. “It’s not— sorry, I know you don’t like when I cry, it’s not because of you, just sometimes it’s— it’s just like everything’s happening at once, and I don’t know how to cope with it, and I wish that I could just stop time and catch my breath because everything’s moving so  _ fast _ , but if I stop I’m scared I’ll get left behind so you just have to keep going forward and—”

“Usopp.”

Usopp makes a small noise, glancing up at him.

“It’s okay.”

“H-huh?” 

Zoro reaches over and pulls Usopp into him, arm settling around his trembling shoulder. Usopp stiffens in surprise, his sobs temporarily stopped. 

“It’s okay to be scared. Everyone’s scared. But it’s all gonna be fine, and you know how I know that?” He glances down at Usopp, smiling softly. “‘Cause we’re the crew of the future pirate king.”

“...Y-yeah,” Usopp sniffles, drawing in a shaky breath. “I know.”

“And for the record, I just broke up with you. You’re entitled to some tears. Frankly, I’m impressed you held it together this long.”

Usopp punches him in the stomach, though Zoro barely feels it. “I  _ told  _ you, it’s not because of that—”

“Yeah, yeah. Whatever.” Zoro tugs his arm down tighter, knocking Usopp’s head into his chest. “Just let it out, idiot.”

Usopp’s stiff for a moment more, frozen; then like clockwork, slowly he crumbles into Zoro’s side, arms coming up shakily to wrap around his neck, clinging at his shoulder, at the fabric of his kimono; and he sobs into Zoro’s collar, shame forgotten. Zoro rests his head against Usopp’s and holds him tight, hand curling protectively around his bicep. It’s odd how it feels more intimate, somehow, than all the months they’ve spent sleeping together, more honest; there is a vulnerability in the closeness that feels new, despite it marking the end of their relationship. Zoro holds Usopp; Usopp lets himself be held. Usopp doesn’t try to stop crying for Zoro; Zoro doesn’t want him to. They’re synchronised in intention, finally, neither performing, neither wanting performance from the other. It wasn’t what Zoro had expected from the relationship, or particularly even wanted, but it was a serendipitous byproduct just the same, one that almost made him forget what the real purpose was for their relationship in the first place.

The sound of footsteps break him from his thoughts, two sets of feet up the hatch ladder; Zoro glances over his shoulder to see Franky helping Robin up to deck.

“We’ll be submerging again soon,” she says lightly, then cocks her head. “Traffy asked to see if you were nearly done fishing…? Is everything alright?”

“Oi, Zoro!” Franky pipes up. “You making our sniper cry?”

Zoro snorts, patting Usopp’s back gently as he breaks away, the front of his kimono slightly damp. Usopp wipes at his eyes, for the most part cried out.

“I’m fine,” he sniffs. 

“Uh-oh. Lie detector mode activated—” Franky puts on his fake robot voice. “A lie was detected- _ mecha. _ ”

Usopp groans, but he smiles in spite of himself. “Cut it out, I’m not a kid.”

“He was just having a last-minute panic attack, no big deal,” Zoro offers. Usopp nods in agreement.

“No big deal?  _ Super  _ big deal, little bro! But have no fear, Franky is here. C’mon, you wanna go mess around in the workshop, see what they’ve got going on this hunk of junk before we hit land?”

The goofy dad routine is something Franky pretty much does exclusively for Chopper and Usopp’s benefit and everyone knows it, but Usopp doesn’t seem to mind going along; it’s play-acting, sure, but it seemed to be comforting for them. Zoro passes no judgement. He squeezes Usopp’s hand lightly as the latter gets to his feet, and Usopp returns the motion without looking; a small message, passed privately between them like a parcel. The warmth lasts on Zoro’s palm even after Usopp goes, Franky throwing a boxy arm around him and pulling him away; but just before Usopp vanishes into the ship he glances back over his shoulder and shoots Zoro a soft, grateful look, his face a little flushed and puffy from crying. Zoro waves once, and curls his fingers down, holding onto that last contact, etching it into the nerves; embedding the warmth into the grooves of his skin. Making a print. He glances down.

“The airhead forgot his shoes,” he murmurs, more to himself than to Robin. She chuckles anyway, stepping closer as Zoro gets to his feet, bending over to pick up Usopp’s boots and hooking them over his shoulder; and peers at him curiously as he straightens up.

“And are you alright, Zoro-kun?” she asks, her tone gentle, unintrusive.

“What? I— yeah.” Quickly, he brings his free hand up to his face, and wipes away the traces of tears pooling in his own eyes. And then, he meets her eye, and he smiles. 

“Yeah. Everything’s gonna be fine.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and that's that!   
> i maaaay possibly do a little sanuso resolution epilogue, but that probably won't happen any time soon, reason being that i'm not actually caught up to wano and though this fic takes place in-between arcs, i'd still rather know what actually happens; because of that i'd always planned for this fic to resolve prior to their arrival. i'm sorry if this disappoints people, because i did get some comments over the course of the fic hoping for a happy ending for them, and while i'd never planned for zosopp endgame, i do still consider this a happy ending of its own kind. i find it hard to describe exactly how i see zosopp, but this fic is pretty much the best attempt i've got: a strong, unique platonic-sexual relationship, that still holds equal priority to romance, if not its own higher significance; based around healing and Building a relationship from the ground up, learning eachother's wants, needs and flaws. basically, a relationship that was always about work and compromise, and never about love, inspiration or fancy. it yields something more sturdy, even if it's not as fun or exciting, something that'll last a really long time.  
> i had the scenarios all figured out in my head, but since i figure some people probably will want more: luffy and zoro's reunion in wano is basically the parallel of them getting together insofar as this fic goes. sanji is his own can of worms, and will probably take longer to come to terms with his feelings for usopp, so sadly usopp isn't gonna get his fairytale ending right away; but zoro is still there for him, even if they're not Together(tm) any more, their relationship doesn't change that much. they're basically eachother's wingmen/amicable exes, and zolu probably invite usopp along sometimes anyway. cue sanji jealously stirring risotto and battling his gay feelings, but that's another fic  
> i'm sad because there was gonna be some law/zoro/usopp in this chapter too and i was excited for it, but in the end i cut it out since it didn't really fit tonally with this fic's Vibe, also i wanted to wrap up the chapter without doing another mini plot lol. but i'll reuse it sometime for a one shot probably because zolawsopp on the polar tang = excellent  
> anyway. that's all! thanks for reading and for all the wonderful comments i've got, i haven't replied to a lot of them because some of them were so long and thoughtful i just couldn't think of what to adequately reply at the time i read them, so now i just have them sitting in my inbox and they make me smile.   
> thanks for sticking with this baby project of mine til the end! zosopp friends with benefits nation lets make it happen


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